carmentheblue ⋅

~Curiosity epicurian~~Wonder-maker~~Eyes wide open~~Cards held close~

"Her ways were free, and it seemed to me, the sunshine walked beside her."

Townes Van Zandt

Entries 188

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October 10, 2017

untitled for now in Random Thoughts

finding the time to write has been hard, as well as feeling like i actually want to write. So, here i am, five minutes before the end of my prep period, writing. Tomorrow i am going to the second...


October 05, 2017

conflict in Random Thoughts

i have an entry brewing, but life has been so busy that it may come in spurts. First off, i started taking adderoll for ADD symptoms (possibly). It’s something i’ve suspected for years, my mind i...


The trailer makes mother! look like a horror film. It’s not. It’s not a real story, per say…every character is an archetype. I think people will talking about mother! for a long time. I think its...


O! O! How did i know i would love this before i even saw it? “a soft spoken reverie” says one tiny clip on the trailer. music, pacing, cinematography, the way conversations are filmed indirectly ...


September 15, 2017

close enough in Random Thoughts

Lately my spirit has had a more tentative connection with my physical body than usual. Acupuncture, tantra workshop, my first Buddhist meeting, meditation even… all of these have been putting me ...


September 03, 2017

3 part dream in Random Thoughts

All week i knew it was a detailed dream week, but i kept being woken from sleep (warm nights with the french doors wide open). Finally Friday night i dreamed with much detail, even though much of...


August 30, 2017

Summah in Random Thoughts

Its been a summah. Today is the first teaching day with kids. It was good. Hectic. Some stressors. Some delights. For some reason i thought i might have the time to write over the summer, but a...


This is a movie that needs time to process. In a good way. I love the silence. The quiet, but intense soundtrack. The long shots. I think i love this movie.


July 23, 2017

Voice w.edit in Random Thoughts

I am going to attempt a voice text here. I seem to have broken my Wi-Fi. I am so, so sad. Feel heartbroken, heavy weights. I’m not sure why. It’s always been very very difficult for me when oth...


i feel the weight. why do i take this on? “tears like rain can’t believe I have to say goodbye to you you have meant so much to me in such a short time now there is a hole to mend”


An email sent to me last night at 12:30 am, after a really nice date: “Dear one, hello, thank you for the most beautiful evening in many years. You may very well be the most beautiful woman I’ve...


How did i feel after this? A list: contemplative sad still not happy, but content? This is what i texted my friend last night. An aging actor, Sam Elliot, finds out he has pancreatic cancer, and ...


Atmospheric. Tense. Moody. Sleeping thriller. The costuming was gorgeous. The acting spot on. And i felt like there was no time wasted, each shot was meaningful and added to the world that Soph...


I bought a digital download of an album i’d flirted with on youtube Cigarettes after Sex’s song, Apocolypse


aka, i kissed three boys I’ve been gone for two weeks. Although its been the beginning of my summer, it didn’t quite feel like summer until i came back to Portland. School ended June 23rd and i a...


It’s been a while. Not for one reason or another, i just haven’t had the will to write. My title is inspired by a little workshop i took over the weekend at a 4 day solstice gathering out in the ...


May 19, 2017

finishing in Random Thoughts

I don’t know the title of this entry yet. Lately i’ve been focused on finishing projects. I completed two knitting projects- a lace shawl made with a cashmere wool blend, and a two color cowl th...


May 17, 2017

Bruised in Random Thoughts

I will tell a story sometime soon.


Heart warming documentary for a heart bruising day. Highly recommended


Last night i put in a mixed cd from years ago, “Mix me a Cure,” a mix of different songs by The Cure (oh-so-clevah!). I’ve thought about writing for a while now. This morning might be the first t...


The trailer calls this movie a “Hitchcockian Thriller” or some such. I heartily disagree. The trailer includes everything you need to see in this movie. Move on from here. Still, i hear the dire...


In behavioral theory (which i know some of because i am a special education teacher), you learn that kids have behaviors (not necessarily bad things, it could be anything) have two motivations: w...


April 07, 2017

Vulnerability in Random Thoughts

I’m trying something new, this entry is purely verbal – recorded from my phone. I started reading a book by an author I have been wanting to read for a while, her name is Brene Brown. You may ha...


March 31, 2017

question in Random Thoughts

I was asked a good question here on PB. I’ve mulled it about a little bit, but not fully immersed myself. “What would be your ideal ‘arrangement/relationship’ with Ian?” My answer was “I don’t kn...


March 27, 2017

retreat in Random Thoughts

Not the type of retreat where you back down, but the kind where you escape for a few days of solitude, yoga, meditation, and tech free relaxing. I am considering whether i had a big important tak...


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