carmentheblue ⋅

~Curiosity epicurian~~Wonder-maker~~Eyes wide open~~Cards held close~

"Her ways were free, and it seemed to me, the sunshine walked beside her."

Townes Van Zandt

Entries 180

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July 22, 2017

Voice w.edit in Random Thoughts

I am going to attempt a voice text here. I seem to have broken my Wi-Fi. I am so, so sad. Feel heartbroken, heavy weights. I’m not sure why. It’s always been very very difficult for me when oth...


i feel the weight. why do i take this on? “tears like rain can’t believe I have to say goodbye to you you have meant so much to me in such a short time now there is a hole to mend”


An email sent to me last night at 12:30 am, after a really nice date: “Dear one, hello, thank you for the most beautiful evening in many years. You may very well be the most beautiful woman I’ve...


How did i feel after this? A list: contemplative sad still not happy, but content? This is what i texted my friend last night. An aging actor, Sam Elliot, finds out he has pancreatic cancer, and ...


Atmospheric. Tense. Moody. Sleeping thriller. The costuming was gorgeous. The acting spot on. And i felt like there was no time wasted, each shot was meaningful and added to the world that Soph...


I bought a digital download of an album i’d flirted with on youtube Cigarettes after Sex’s song, Apocolypse


aka, i kissed three boys I’ve been gone for two weeks. Although its been the beginning of my summer, it didn’t quite feel like summer until i came back to Portland. School ended June 23rd and i a...


It’s been a while. Not for one reason or another, i just haven’t had the will to write. My title is inspired by a little workshop i took over the weekend at a 4 day solstice gathering out in the ...


May 19, 2017

finishing in Random Thoughts

I don’t know the title of this entry yet. Lately i’ve been focused on finishing projects. I completed two knitting projects- a lace shawl made with a cashmere wool blend, and a two color cowl th...


May 17, 2017

Bruised in Random Thoughts

I will tell a story sometime soon.


Heart warming documentary for a heart bruising day. Highly recommended


Last night i put in a mixed cd from years ago, “Mix me a Cure,” a mix of different songs by The Cure (oh-so-clevah!). I’ve thought about writing for a while now. This morning might be the first t...


The trailer calls this movie a “Hitchcockian Thriller” or some such. I heartily disagree. The trailer includes everything you need to see in this movie. Move on from here. Still, i hear the dire...


In behavioral theory (which i know some of because i am a special education teacher), you learn that kids have behaviors (not necessarily bad things, it could be anything) have two motivations: w...


April 07, 2017

Vulnerability in Random Thoughts

I’m trying something new, this entry is purely verbal – recorded from my phone. I started reading a book by an author I have been wanting to read for a while, her name is Brene Brown. You may ha...


March 31, 2017

question in Random Thoughts

I was asked a good question here on PB. I’ve mulled it about a little bit, but not fully immersed myself. “What would be your ideal ‘arrangement/relationship’ with Ian?” My answer was “I don’t kn...


March 27, 2017

retreat in Random Thoughts

Not the type of retreat where you back down, but the kind where you escape for a few days of solitude, yoga, meditation, and tech free relaxing. I am considering whether i had a big important tak...


March 23, 2017

Spiral in Random Thoughts

I spiraled, trying to figure out whether i qualify for teacher student loan forgiveness. Everyone i spoke to was nice, but they couldn’t really answer my questions. Here’s the lowdown: To qualify...


”When the mind’s activity is stilled, we see life as it is.” I read a book last month, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. It was the beginning of perhaps a “growth spurt” i...


I am going to talk about the ease (Jamie), as i was musing on it yesterday, but i also want to get into the therapy work i have been a part of in regards to intimate relationships (Ian). Plus a l...


March 15, 2017

Dreams in Random Thoughts

I forgot to talk about a really creepy dream i had last night. I think i have all of the parts, but i am not sure i will get them organized the way in which they unfolded. I am with my sister (my...


So many words i could share, we will see what spills out this morning. Yesterday i was thinking that i would love to have hair the color of the morning. Ian said it would be various shades of pe...


February 28, 2017

Home in Random Thoughts

It is a slightly different day, today. I have a training this morning, so i am absent the first part of the day. It was hard to get myself up and go to the gym, so my second choice was yoga and m...


February 25, 2017

The Sensual World in Random Thoughts

Today i spent quality time with music i haven’t heard in a while, a lot of Bob Dylan. I started the morning and bright blue skies with Royal Albert Hall 1966 (over 50 years ago!). I am currently ...


I don’t get to see Ian tonight as has been our usual, so when i had a chance to see a movie in Portland Thursday night, i invited him. We saw the Oscar nominated shorts, plus a few extra ‘notable...


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