carmentheblue ⋅

~Curiosity epicurian~~Wonder-maker~~Eyes wide open~~Cards held close~

"Her ways were free, and it seemed to me, the sunshine walked beside her."

Townes Van Zandt

Entries 196

Page 1 of 8

What a way to start seeing great film! Friday i had a training in the am and took the second half of the day off. I chose to see a 12:30pm movie at a local living room theater style cinema, order...


January 05, 2018

investigation in Random Thoughts

Last meeting with my therapist (two weeks ago, last Saturday i was in CA with family helping with my grandpa’s estate) i learned that i have a diagnosis. Of course, i needed one for my (generous,...


January 02, 2018

equanimity in Random Thoughts

You’d think that with 2 weeks off i would have found time to write. I had relatively few days to just relax. My grandpa died, so most of the time (last week) i had slated for relaxing or doing c...


December 11, 2017

transmission 94 in Random Thoughts

I quickly checked my last year’s entries. About this time was the first big snows Portland area had, with quite a few snow days off. It was when i was really falling for Ian. I took a day off and...


When I have shared with you what i need and who i am in this relationship, what i hear is that it is not enough or is somehow wrong (with words like “right now you are unwilling to [share more of...


One of the best movies of the year (along with Columbus)


November 02, 2017

Question in Random Thoughts

Last night I told Clay that i was going to be and hour + late for the half day Buddhism class we are both taking this upcoming Saturday. His response was “that’s ok” This raised my hackles (which...


I knew i would love this, like i knew i would love Columbus. I saw this director’s debut, Tangerine a couple years ago, and it was quite good. A story of a hidden side of homelessness most folk ...


October 10, 2017

untitled for now in Random Thoughts

finding the time to write has been hard, as well as feeling like i actually want to write. So, here i am, five minutes before the end of my prep period, writing. Tomorrow i am going to the second...


October 05, 2017

conflict in Random Thoughts

i have an entry brewing, but life has been so busy that it may come in spurts. First off, i started taking adderoll for ADD symptoms (possibly). It’s something i’ve suspected for years, my mind i...


The trailer makes mother! look like a horror film. It’s not. It’s not a real story, per say…every character is an archetype. I think people will talking about mother! for a long time. I think its...


O! O! How did i know i would love this before i even saw it? “a soft spoken reverie” says one tiny clip on the trailer. music, pacing, cinematography, the way conversations are filmed indirectly ...


September 15, 2017

close enough in Random Thoughts

Lately my spirit has had a more tentative connection with my physical body than usual. Acupuncture, tantra workshop, my first Buddhist meeting, meditation even… all of these have been putting me ...


September 03, 2017

3 part dream in Random Thoughts

All week i knew it was a detailed dream week, but i kept being woken from sleep (warm nights with the french doors wide open). Finally Friday night i dreamed with much detail, even though much of...


August 30, 2017

Summah in Random Thoughts

Its been a summah. Today is the first teaching day with kids. It was good. Hectic. Some stressors. Some delights. For some reason i thought i might have the time to write over the summer, but a...


This is a movie that needs time to process. In a good way. I love the silence. The quiet, but intense soundtrack. The long shots. I think i love this movie.


July 22, 2017

Voice w.edit in Random Thoughts

I am going to attempt a voice text here. I seem to have broken my Wi-Fi. I am so, so sad. Feel heartbroken, heavy weights. I’m not sure why. It’s always been very very difficult for me when oth...


i feel the weight. why do i take this on? “tears like rain can’t believe I have to say goodbye to you you have meant so much to me in such a short time now there is a hole to mend”


An email sent to me last night at 12:30 am, after a really nice date: “Dear one, hello, thank you for the most beautiful evening in many years. You may very well be the most beautiful woman I’ve...


How did i feel after this? A list: contemplative sad still not happy, but content? This is what i texted my friend last night. An aging actor, Sam Elliot, finds out he has pancreatic cancer, and ...


Atmospheric. Tense. Moody. Sleeping thriller. The costuming was gorgeous. The acting spot on. And i felt like there was no time wasted, each shot was meaningful and added to the world that Soph...


I bought a digital download of an album i’d flirted with on youtube Cigarettes after Sex’s song, Apocolypse


aka, i kissed three boys I’ve been gone for two weeks. Although its been the beginning of my summer, it didn’t quite feel like summer until i came back to Portland. School ended June 23rd and i a...


It’s been a while. Not for one reason or another, i just haven’t had the will to write. My title is inspired by a little workshop i took over the weekend at a 4 day solstice gathering out in the ...


May 19, 2017

finishing in Random Thoughts

I don’t know the title of this entry yet. Lately i’ve been focused on finishing projects. I completed two knitting projects- a lace shawl made with a cashmere wool blend, and a two color cowl th...


Books 4


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