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Yesterday, we dropped off some meals for Jimmy’s family (the participant in my program who passed away.) His mother doesn’t know what happened either. His grandmother found him Wednesday morning...

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I would burn it all down if I could. I was very pointed in my texts with my coordinator yesterday. It’s been a year of carrying everything. Thinking of everything. Doing everything. Coordinati...

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I don’t trust my actions right now. Let alone my feelings. I know I am grieving, so I don’t know where anything is coming from, really. For example, this case I am building against my workplace,...

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My nervous system is thawing. I can feel what I am feeling. Jimmy keeps crossing my mind. It is only natural. I worked up the nerve to scroll through my phone and look at pictures and recordin...

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I’m hurting today. I woke up in the anger stage of grief. I don’t like to show pain or fear, but I can have a dramatic flare. I wore shades in the office because I was not in the mood to look ...

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One of the kids in my program passed away this morning. I don’t know what happened, but his mother texted me this afternoon to let us know. He was just 11 years old. I suspect that it was suicid...

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I have second-degree burnout, which is slowly getting worse. Since my hours changed for the summer, I have not had a single day all to myself. That space is oxygen, and I need it to breathe. I...

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“We know the statistics – that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of school; and twenty time...

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My camping trip was great. I’m just trying to get back into the swing of things. I was told that I am going to run my coordinator out of a job if I don’t step back. They need him to be account...

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What does it mean to be adult? Being an adult means doing things you don’t want to do. Nobody is coming to do things for us. Nobody is coming to make us put our phones down and go for a walk. ...

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I feel like I am starting to get my footing. What’s my existential drama now? ADHD can’t touch the routine part of the brain. My hours changed, now I can’t touch the routine part of my brain e...

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We took our kids north to go tubing down a river. It was beautiful there. The kids were complete kids about it. They had a blast. Last night, I dreamt that I walked out on it and quit my job. In...

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I thought I was about to witness a miracle. Last week, my roommate was so close to producing an original thought. Do normies have two aluminum-free brain cells to rub together? Question of the...

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Last night I dreamt that I was back to working at the home hardware store. I was not happy about it. The dream actually woke me up. This time last year, I was working there and I was strugglin...

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I don’t get to say this often, but thank god it’s Friday. I’ve been so disconnected from myself. Detached. I’m very aware that I have surrendered to my dopamine loops. A little suffering is goo...

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Things happen in threes I kept telling myself on Monday. A participant in a youth program at my office died by suicide over the weekend. A participant in my own program was hospitalized becaus...

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Yesterday was a heavy one. We learned that a participant in one of our youth programs died by suicide over the weekend. He was in the program I interviewed for. It is for youth transitioning ou...

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I really am a monster, sometimes. I don’t know why my mind needs to create an enemy construct. My roommate is not a bad person. She is not a good person; she is a whole person. I really have i...

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I can tell that my roommate is going through it, and I’m like… maybe she should be depressed. If I were her, I wouldn’t want to wake up and be happy with myself. If I start living my life the wa...

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It was explained to me that I am going to run my coordinator out of a job. He wasn’t in again today to answer questions that topside had about our program. He wouldn’t have been able to answer...

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I feel inspired to paint. I can feel that itch stirring. I was admiring the artwork in the hotel lobby yesterday. I am going to have to check on my inventory. I stopped painting the moment it d...

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I can’t sleep. My mind is racing about work. I feel like my brain is trying to manifest another promotion offer. We haven’t had a Programs Director since January. If that position opens up, I wi...

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There was a meeting with the new Youth Manager and all the top executives about our programs. He was filling us in a bit, but then told us that the Assistant Director went on and on about me. Sh...

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I’m failing to regulate It’s hot as balls out. I’m on the tail end of a cold. I have been up since 3:30 this morning. Things are getting to me today. I had it under control until I didn’t. This...

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We were the flag carriers for the opening ceremony. There were 1000 people in the room, and I wasn’t nervous until I saw that my +1 made it to my table. My organization held a huge event to ho...

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