Entries 195

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My girl Mandeep wanted to have a little get together today before she moves her life to Toronto. It was nice to see everybody again. I missed them. We all used to work together. After that shindi...

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I struggled to sleep again last night. I am starting to finally stress about my situation. I’ve been out of work for fourteen weeks now and I am almost out of savings. I do not want to regret thi...

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I struggled to fall asleep last night. Every time that I closed my eyes I would see gods and monsters. I felt under attack by my demons only I am not afraid of them. Panic attacks used to be my b...

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I can only laugh at myself right now. My patience is as thin as I am right now and it’s so funny because it is my body that is triggering me. I was mad at my morning coffee because I was unable t...

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So yesterday I cried. Now I feel a little more alive. I just go numb sometimes. Not even music can reach me. I don’t even realize when I’m in a dark place because I just make myself comfortable. ...

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I’ve been feeling kind of speechless today. I can feel that Harley is not in my life anymore… Literally, I started bawling my eyes out right after I typed that last sentence. I don’t hear her paw...

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I’m sad. I didn’t think I would be, honestly. A few weeks ago I said that I hated dogs and I felt bad for putting that thought out there into the universe. To make up for that I had been taking m...

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My sleep was disturbed by my frequent need to void my bladder last night, when did I turn 40? I am still getting over a cold which is taking a toll on me tbh. I don’t want to be a man bitch and c...

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Yesterday I pulled out my new fancy day planner and I finally started to fill it in. I love the page on the front of each month for little lists. I listed my three goals for the summer: 1) Job 2)...

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*Wake up in the morning feeling cranky as heck. Tossing and turning seems to mess up my neck. Seems every time I wake up I’ve already turned off my snoozer. I start every day off being a loser. *...

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I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I just want to throw a tantrum over every little thing. All the negative thoughts that I push away are trying to creep in and become an obsession. I ...

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I was experiencing extremely high anxiety yesterday when Bev drove my little bubble butt to the university. When we got to our destination I sat outside that office for a bit to collect myself. M...

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My nerves were so shot yesterday. I felt exactly the way I used to feel when I was a teenager by default. My social anxiety could not cope with school. Bev is picking me up shortly and taking me ...

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Bev asked for my help yesterday to move and build some furniture and I also wanted my sister and her husband to have a day to themselves before he goes back to work so I decided to spend the day ...

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I just spent the last two hours at the casino. I flexed and then lost $210. iDumb. My savings is running out and I need to start my job search sooner than I wanted because I got desperate and wan...

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The climate in this house was a little sad yesterday. Matt, my brother in law, took Harley, their family dog, to the vet to see what was going on with her right eye. It’s completely black. Turns ...

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Tony has been a bit of a flake and I was telling Leanne that I felt that I deserved better from my friends. Then I mentioned that I felt petty for feeling that way because I’m too grown to be whi...

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I suppose that I did let my demons come out and play yesterday. I don’t know why I let myself do that. I was at constant war with myself, countering every negative thought and feeling throughout ...

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I am a little embarrassed about the mood that I was in yesterday. The last few days actually, I’ve been pretty salty. I feel that I deserve better from the people in my life. I actually hate havi...

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I had the house to myself this weekend. My roomies did not plan that so I just got stuck watching their dog but whatever. I locked my keys in my car when I went to Hetal’s yesterday. Nobody was i...

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I can feel my depression trying to come and take over my life. Maybe in some ways, it has. I’m pretty good at swerving negative thinking. It was not easy training my mind to do that but I think t...

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One of Matt’s childhood friends committed suicide a few days ago. (Matt is my sister’s husband whom I all I live with) He was a priest, he left behind a pregnant wife and three kids. We suspect t...

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Oh today I’m just a drop of water and I’m running down a mountainside come tomorrow I’ll be in the ocean I’ll be rising with the morning tide Am I okay? It can be hard to tell sometimes because I...

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My bad mood is finally starting to let up. I just get so mad about being mad because I don’t want to carry that feeling around with me all day. Ya know? I caught myself taking it out on my sister...

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I was very adamant about making sure that I see my mother today. I don’t know why but I just wanted to see her. We have been trying to schedule me an appointment to do her hair but she has been v...

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