theolor ⋅ 30 ⋅
My Real Name is Tony I gave myself the nickname Theo. Born: January 16th, 1996. I have Bipolar type II disorder with Major Depressive Episodes (MDE) and Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) (to sum that part up you can also call it "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder"). I love History, history books, Games, Rock/Hard rock/Punk Rock music, Favorite band is Green Day. Meds: Seroquel(anti-psychotic), , Welbrutin (Anti-Depressant), Lorazepam (Anti-Anxiety), Ambien (Sleep) Hydroxyzine (sleep)
Entries 130
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2 Years in MyDarknessLives
Sunday February 5th, 2017 Can you believe it? 2 years since I started my first online Diary (My-Diary) and it’s been a never ending roller coaster. Been through Therapy and many different Medicat...
Real Friend in MyDarknessLives
could honestly say that in my life at the moment I only have one true friend, a true friend who cares about me and likes to play Xbox with me, the time difference between where I live and where h...
If I could just understand in MyDarknessLives
Haven’t made an entry in almost a month, time flew by and my birthday is on the 16th, I turn 21. mmmmm Things still aren’t looking that great but when are they ever for me, well I can name a coup...
Lucky in MyDarknessLives
Monday, December 12th, 2016 My luck is funny, I would say I have good luck but then I think about my mental illnesses and think, well not all the time. I have done a lot of soul-searching over th...
Comfort in MyDarknessLives
Wednesday November 30th, It makes me sick, the way sadness is addicting. The way I can’t stop. Sadness is familiar. It’s comfortable and it’s easy in a sense that it comes naturally to me. But ev...
Dark Energy in MyDarknessLives
Tuesday November 15th, 2016 I didn’t want to say anything about this because it makes me a big hypocrite but last month I ended up becoming friends with J again. I tried avoiding him as best as I...
Worthless/Hope? in MyDarknessLives
I wrote this on Thursday, November 3rd 2016, I have not had internet from that day until just now. I have not been having great sleep but I have been having good dreams… Dreams, I just wish some...
Just a Dream in MyDarknessLives
November 1st, 2016 I had broken sleep last night and the night before, I think it had something to do with the window being open and it being really cold in here. But I had several good dreams in...
I wish I could've helped in MyDarknessLives
Tonight has got me all messed up, not just cause mother is in the hospital or my depressive down turn but because i was listening to the song (ill provide below) “According to lead singer Isaac S...
Family in MyDarknessLives
(24th) I don’t remember if I wrote about my 2nd car accident or not, this was a week or 2 ago and I was stopped at a red light when someone hit me from behind very hard, it tore my back bumper up...
MyDaRkN3SsLiV3s in MyDarknessLives
This is it, my 300th entry on MyDiary, such a huge milestone I kinda have a lot to talk about so let’s begin Lately I have been majorly depressed, my moods seem to be in long stages now rather t...
hide and seek in MyDarknessLives
The first part below I started on the 22nd but never finished 09-22-16 Today has been a struggle, a hard one. My depression and darkness have teemed up with my demons and are trying to tie me up ...
in the end it doesn't even matter in MyDarknessLives
I just don’t understand. I can’t ever stop thinking about my former best friend, ever since I ended our friendship I have tried my very best to avoid him as much as possible but the one/two place...
thinking back in MyDarknessLives
Feeling pretty down today, Reliving memories in my mind and walking down that dark road. I realize what is about to happen and turn to run but the darkness is on me before I can make it a step in...
best 2 days ever in MyDarknessLives
So today I got up early from a really good dream, I don’t remember most of it but it involved school and magic I know that. I went around town doing errands and when I came hope around noon I wen...
My minority in MyDarknessLives
So - before when I talked about when I had to stop being friends with J a guy I knew since Kindergarten, I talked about my good side the one that’s optimistic about everyone and everything and th...
Withdrawal in MyDarknessLives
(Diary update from last night) IF there was one thing I had forgotten was the feeling of loneliness. It just hasn’t come up in a while but I got hit with a missive dose of it tonight, I went out ...
no medicine in MyDarknessLives
So for the past month I have been trying to get my medicine issue sorted out, I was on patient assist for Seroquel (Anti-Psychotic) and I was told to call the number on the bottle to refill it, ...
Death Spared Me? in MyDarknessLives
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2016 @ 6:00PM Let me start off by saying i am an idiot, and I’m very superstitious and at this point in life decent religious although I never attend church or read the bible...
Goodbye Friendship, hello pain in MyDarknessLives
Saturday, July 30th 2016 @ 7:04PM I had to do it and it was a long time coming, It was really hard but I had to do it. I talked about him before, J my old friend, my “brother” (not by blood) and ...
Enter Emotion in MyDarknessLives
When I get paid I need to get my hair dyed black again, I haven’t done it since april and the top bits are turning brown again. On the outside I really don’t have a style but on the inside I have...
real journal in MyDarknessLives
Saturday, July 23rd, 2016 at 11:00 PM I started writing in a physical journal, I only make entries when I need to like right as or right after something important happened. Sometimes I will write...
delicious pain in MyDarknessLives
Tuesday, july 19th 2016, at 9:31pm I’ve come to understand something throughout this pained existence. There are times where I love the pain, I roll in the darkness laughing, challenging my de...
worthless in MyDarknessLives
So I decided that the only real thing I can offer the world and do good for any community would be to donate blood, being o- it’s perfect cause it’s the universal donor blood type, so I make an a...
Breakdown and weird entry in MyDarknessLives
Wednesday, June 19th 2016 at: 6:00PM For the first 3rd of the day I was completely numb, couldn’t feel anything at all but I knew I felt a little sad. It’s my defense mechanism, last night I was ...
