theolor ⋅ 30 ⋅

My Real Name is Tony I gave myself the nickname Theo. Born: January 16th, 1996. I have Bipolar type II disorder with Major Depressive Episodes (MDE) and Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) (to sum that part up you can also call it "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder"). I love History, history books, Games, Rock/Hard rock/Punk Rock music, Favorite band is Green Day. Meds: Seroquel(anti-psychotic), , Welbrutin (Anti-Depressant), Lorazepam (Anti-Anxiety), Ambien (Sleep) Hydroxyzine (sleep)

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December 08, 2015

The S Word in MyDarknessLives

7:20 PM It has been a long time since my thoughts drifted to the S word. It has been a long time since my depression has gotten this bad. It is now the 8th of December and all 8 days of this mont...


December 05, 2015

I am sorry in MyDarknessLives

7:30 PM So My sister adopted a very small and sick little kitten, she took it to the vets and was told to keep it on Anti Biotics and stuff like that, she later found it dead. I haven’t met the l...


December 04, 2015

Nothing in MyDarknessLives

6:30 PM Today has been a mixture of emotions for me, I did take my social anxiety meds which did help me today, I have a habit of forgetting those but not today. I went to a meeting with an insur...


December 03, 2015

The C Word in MyDarknessLives

5:50 PM So..... My step father - whom I never liked, or even really had a relationship with, went to the cancer doctor again today and we have learned he has Cancer again in his Liver. He had it ...


December 01, 2015

Vacuum in MyDarknessLives

7:00 PM​ So the past few days I have been mostly in depression. This time however it was more of that empty depression and sometimes soul crushing as well. I felt like I had nothing inside me, it...


November 27, 2015

Been a while in MyDarknessLives

11:30 PM​ So it has been one whole week since I have made an entry. Honestly the time just flew by, I am really surprised. I have been mostly avoiding my diary. I am feeling better then usual. I ...


November 20, 2015

Clique in MyDarknessLives

3:30 PM So I was suppose to start back up with the Gym today but that didn’t happen.... And here is why, Mother is still sick and asked me to go to the post office so I said sure, I would head th...


November 18, 2015

Disgusted in MyDarknessLives

5:20 PM I don’t know why I should be surprised at the response to the Paris terrorist attacks by clueless ignorant people. All people are doing is blaming ALL Muslims for the attacks, they are at...


November 16, 2015

Gym in MyDarknessLives

8:15 PM So I have decided to join a Gym. I have been feeling good lately and decided it was time, like I said before I was committed and I really wanted to do this. For the first 2 days I did abo...


November 13, 2015

Getting Sick in MyDarknessLives

7:20 AM Usually I am not up this early, but last night I had some trouble. So to start, it is freezing in here and it is always freezing in here. I am sensitive to the elements, in summer I get e...


November 11, 2015

Let it snow in MyDarknessLives

2:45 PM That time above is the time I should have been at my meeting with my therapist, after not seeing her for about a month.... But today is literally a blizzard outside, it is 33 degrees, it...


November 09, 2015

Eye checkup in MyDarknessLives

8:20 PM So all I have been doing for the past few days has been playing the new call of duty. I feel that it is better then the last one and I am actually enjoying it. For some reason I just don’...


November 06, 2015

Call of duty in MyDarknessLives

1:40 PM So last night was the midnight release for call of duty Black ops 3. I played for a little bit and went to bed, I played some more today and I don’t know why but I am just so angry today....


November 02, 2015

Overall in MyDarknessLives

8:20 PM So the past 2 months my doctor gave me a sheet of paper and told me to describe my mood on those days including triggers and how severe it was and here is what has been happening last mon...


October 31, 2015

Halloween in MyDarknessLives

10:00 PM Let’s try this again, I accidentally left the page and it deleted what I wrote. So happy Halloween everyone, I haven’t felt like doing an entry for a while because in the last one I said...


October 26, 2015

Hollow and Tired in MyDarknessLives

4:20 The last few days have been slowly getting worse as a depression storm hits landfall in my brain and heart. Whenever I start to feel this way, all I want to do is just lie in bed and sleep. ...


October 24, 2015

Computer Issues in MyDarknessLives

12:00 PM So, Ever since I had this computer built I have had an overheating issue with it so I finally took it in about a week ago to get fixed and finally today I have it back. They installed a ...


October 14, 2015

Selfish in MyDarknessLives

9:20 PM I finished watching the last bit of the Anime “Sword Art Online II” (Yes I watched SAO I first) and it had me crying and realizing how selfish I am. I know I talked about wanting to die b...


October 10, 2015

Soldier On in MyDarknessLives

4:40 So today I just feel like ranting, My mom and I always get into a little argument at night because our rooms are right next to each other and I stay up super late (depending on my mood) and ...


October 08, 2015

Depression again in MyDarknessLives

6:00 PM I knew from the moment I woke up today that I was feeling down. I guess I had to crash sometime right? I think whats got me down most of all is the fact that my Australian friend hasn’t b...


October 07, 2015

Sex life in MyDarknessLives

WARNING SEX TOPIC 8:10 PM The last few days have been great to me, I have felt pretty happy and had a lot of fun just sitting at home watching stuff on youtube and playing games. When I am happy ...


October 02, 2015

Made up in MyDarknessLives

4:30 PM I know I haven’t written in a little while, truth is I just never felt like it. I have been feeling pretty lazy lately and every time I even thought about it, my mind pushed the thought a...


September 28, 2015

bad news in MyDarknessLives

4:14 PM So I took my car in this morning to get the new bumper on and just a little bit ago I found out that the new bumper was actually damaged and not only that, where the bumper goes is so rus...


September 26, 2015

cuts in MyDarknessLives

4:00 PM I woke up today around 1:00 PM, I haven’t been feeling good today and have been pretty depressed, cycling between moderate-severe. Mother and step father went somewhere to watch the footb...


3:20 PM I stayed up late again last night, truly enjoying my night watching Anime and playing with my Australian friends for a little while. I watched several episodes of Guilty Crown, and 1 epis...


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