theolor ⋅ 30 ⋅
My Real Name is Tony I gave myself the nickname Theo. Born: January 16th, 1996. I have Bipolar type II disorder with Major Depressive Episodes (MDE) and Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) (to sum that part up you can also call it "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder"). I love History, history books, Games, Rock/Hard rock/Punk Rock music, Favorite band is Green Day. Meds: Seroquel(anti-psychotic), , Welbrutin (Anti-Depressant), Lorazepam (Anti-Anxiety), Ambien (Sleep) Hydroxyzine (sleep)
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Pain in MyDarknessLives
March 3rd, 2016 3:20PM Been playing with my new knife and I always seem to forget how sharp it really is because now I have unintended scratches all over. the Doc increased my seroquel to 3 pills...
Attachment in MyDarknessLives
7:00 PM 02/24/16 I figure it’s time I come back and write an entry. Step father moved out today and mother and I are really ecstatic about it, he left some of his stuff here including his large T...
Exausted = ME in MyDarknessLives
1:30 PM 02/15/16 Lately I have just been feeling emotionally and physically exhausted and last night for once I went to bed early, of course I got some anime time in though before I fell asleep. ...
A glimmer of hope? in MyDarknessLives
5:00 PM So as it turns out this is for real this time, Mother and Step father are getting divorced and it is a peaceful split thank goodness. Mother is in Lincoln for her surgery and will be ther...
Divorce in MyDarknessLives
4:00 PM 02/08/16 After I wrote yesterdays entrie I heard mother say they’re getting divorced (my mother and step father), with my severe depression yesterday their fighting actually started to af...
Depersonalization in MyDarknessLives
4:40 PM I was right, over the last few days my emotions and mood started to stagnate and today depression hit me full force. It has been for a while that I have felt so alone. Like I never had th...
Socialism is the future in MyDarknessLives
6:40 PM Haven’t really felt the urge to write in a while, I have been feeling pretty good for about a week or so, I can tell there is going to be a huge crash somewhere in the near future but I ...
Asking too much in MyDarknessLives
6:00 PM Went to goodwill today for my apointment, we spent an hour talking and signing papers and I left saying I would think everything over and give her a call either tomorrow or Monday but whe...
Services in MyDarknessLives
12:10 PM I talked to a woman named Sue from goodwill, I was suppose to have a meeting with her yesterday morning (I hate mornings) so I got up showered and the like and headed over to find out sh...
flu in MyDarknessLives
4:00 PM The last few days I have had the flew and it got pretty bad but today I seem better. I got a call yesterday from a guy talking about the good will thing and I will meet a woman named sue...
no name and fed up in MyDarknessLives
10:30 AM Well I just lost 3 huge paragraphs I wrote yesterday and left for today because I had a super bad headache yesterday and couldn’t finish it. I went to put a video in but some popup came ...
no luck in MyDarknessLives
2:10 PM I don’t want to think that one lucid dream was a fluke, I’ll just have to keep on trying because I didn’t have one last night, just a regular non lucid dream. Today I feel really depresse...
First real lucid dream in MyDarknessLives
2:50 PM So I tried this product I found on Amazon called “Dream leaf”. I tried the alternative method which says take the red pill the first night and the blue pill the 2nd (because the first met...
Best dream ever p2 in MyDarknessLives
8:40 AM I took 50 mg of Melatonin last night and I just had the most amazing dream ever and it wasn’t a sex dream this time. I was in school again, this time in computer class and we had this sub...
Slightly worse in MyDarknessLives
11:05 AM Yeah, so I waited a while-like a week or so before I took 50 mg of melatonin again. It really did intensify my dreams and it led me to wake up several times and fall back asleep. The fi...
Alone in MyDarknessLives
7:25 PM So many dreams, vanishing memory. I sort of stopped writing dreams down idk why maybe it’s because no matter how awesome some of them are I want to forget a little. Last night, I had an i...
Dreams in MyDarknessLives
6:05 PM I started keeping a dream journal and I have written down dates as well. There were several dreams I naturally remembered such as the sex dream, in this I will talk about 2 dreams where I...
The most perfect dream in MyDarknessLives
3:35 PM I am going to talk about the best dream I ever had. I believe it has been over a year and a hlaf since I had this dream but I started thinking about it last night and the more I thought t...
Christmas in MyDarknessLives
2:00 PM Christmas came and left. Mother and dickhead went to dickheads family thing and she brought me back some food. I cannot go to such events, my Anxiety would kill me. Mother and I picked ou...
Pain in MyDarknessLives
7:50 PM So that period of tranquility is over. Last night I stayed up till about 7 in the morning playing with several old and new friends, all from Australia. We spent hours and hours doing heis...
GTA in MyDarknessLives
2:20 PM So I had 4 days of good days, a good break from my depression but last night I just started feeling really sad and I have never felt so alone then like I did last night. I was overly tir...
Morning in MyDarknessLives
12 PM I have not written for a while, to be honest nothing important has happened. My sister came over yesterday, not my good one but the other one and my mother and her swapped pain pills becaus...
Experiment in MyDarknessLives
6:20 PM So to start off I got some good news, I am 2 days sober-I guess you can call it from using sleeping pills (Ambien), I still use Melatonin as a sleep supplement to enrich my dreams as you ...
Intense! in MyDarknessLives
3:50 PM Wow. I haven’t felt this depressed in a while and I thought the previous days were bad. Last night I wasn’t feeling that great and I ended up staying up a while. and I got sick and I thr...
All or Nothing? in MyDarknessLives
9:00 PM Had a bad night’s sleep, off and on, and when I finally got into a good sleep somewhere in the morning, some woman called right in the middle of my dream asking for someone who does not h...
