blueman ⋅ 41
An Aussie guy trying to make sense of this thing we call life....
Entries 13
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Why does the jealousy burn? Why does my heart still sink. Why is there a double standard? Why can’t I just let go? For months I longed for resolution, looking for another chance. I ended a new th...
Affairs of the heart in Experiences
This is a long and erratic post, but it’s hard to summarise 9 months of life and portray the true depth at 2am midweek! It’s been nearly a year since the separation, and if I’m honest… I’m not ok...
Weep for tomorrow in Feelings
Each droplet a vessel, carrying a treasured memory, a forgotten future. The eyes bleed their words, longing to be heard. Taking the road less travelled, urging their escape. To desolate ground t...
I thank you for the good times, the times that will last in memory till my end of days. I thank you for the discomfort, the times that forced me to shine a light and search my darkest depths. I t...
Long exhalation in Feelings
I’m struggling a lot this week. My heart hurts. I feel sick in my stomach when I think about being separated from K. I had a massive cry on the weekend which was cathartic and needed, I’d gotten ...
Uncertainty in Experiences
It’s been 4 weeks since K and I separated. Life seems so strange now. Neither of us could believe we stayed together so unhappily for so long. It would have been 10 years together in January. I’v...
The space Between in Experiences
He placed his hand between them, an offering symbolic of their relationship. Would it be met by an equal gesture? Would it be ignored? Would it be feared? Longing to connect yet resisting the urg...
Well here I am again, nearly a year since my last entry, and you know what? Nothing much has changed. Still I am here questioning our relationship, questioning why K resists me so much. WHY are w...
Fundamentally flawed? in Feelings
Below is an entry I wrote a month ago. It got cut short at the time and I decided to save it as a draft to revisit. Mostly because I know there is a pattern to this ‘thinking’, that I end up at t...
Upbringing and it's equation to success? in Ponderings
I’ve been wondering about ‘success’ lately. When I think of ‘successful people’ (ie financially comfortable and established), I tend to see the two extremes - those that have come from nothing an...
New Year, Old Patterns in Experiences
Leading up to NYE if you had of told me I’d be getting high with my parents I would have thought you were insane.... Since we moved down the coast a bit over 5 years ago, we don’t see mum and dad...
Unrequited love in Feelings
I’ve been thinking about you lately, thinking about what could have been. It must be 8 years since I’ve seen you. Nearly 4 years since we last spoke. I think of you often, your joys, your sadness...
Is there a cure for loneliness? in Feelings
Lately ive found myself feeling lonely. Not a “I’m lonely, maybe I should catch up with some friends” loneliness, but a true hole in my soul “I’m completely alone in this existence” loneliness fe...
