Entries 21

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The memories came flooding over me when I cleaned out my Dads house. He had saved all my stuff from the 90s. I thought the photos and sketchbooks where long gone as I have moved around so much, ...

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I have inherited a cabin in the wood and a few acres of woodlands deep in arctic woodland between Sweden and Finland from my Father who died in cancer this May. I am seriously consider to move ...

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I feel like I am living in a nightmare, and I am usually never stressed. Now I am. It hurt more then I thought it would when my father passed away on friday. I spent the whole week watching him...

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Was with my old man the whole week. He stopped his cancer treatment, so the time is shorter. Maybe until autumn. Went back to Stockholm. Going out solo on the bohemian South side of the town. ...

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It was surreal when I got the message on FB. She wrote that we met in the 90s on After Ski. Back then she was 18 and I 20.  She followed me home to my father's place as I had it by myself. We w...

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I talked to my father yesterday and could not sleep afterwards. He said that the stiffness he gets from his paralyzed limbs makes it painful to lye down. Then he asked me if it would go away. T...

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First time this year I am going out on this ghetto bar I used to love. Time is running out. Maria got a baby. I fucked it up. Have not connected to persons in my life from way back. It felt too...

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I found out a girl I used to like a lot back when i was around 17 is my neighbour! We kissed, talked and was out on clubs but never had sex. It just a bit strange that I have never met her becau...

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Still at my fathers house. He is sleeping upstairs. I once again look through my writings and sketches and pictures from when I was a young adult. The years dissapear, it is like it happened yest...

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I am staying with my father. I’ve been here the entire summer, and autumn is approaching here in the north. We both know that his cancer will eventually win, and he doesn’t have much time left. M...

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I don’t know how long his got left. I was with him when the “cancer specialist doctor” said that dad needs to say what needs to be said and finish his affairs. Dad took it calmly. I realised that...

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When the doctor said he needed me to be with my father when he had something to say I allready knew. It is unreal. I stay in his tidy house and know the time is soon up.

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I heard my father was going to get the surgery direct and then he got transported to a surgent in the hospital of Umeå. I took the train and met him when he woke up. He looked scared and confused...

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I met Jonna at an event late at night. We were drunk. I followed her home. She didn’t tell why she disappeared and not even her friends knew where and why. It felt nice to be with her and I know...

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Amy Winehouse. Heard it today. I see Bettys face when I listened to Winehouse voice, I think it is because you can feel the darkness when she sings. It does not hurt any more when I think back. N...

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Sitting on the train to the far north to visit my old man. Was on a trip to Tallin with a previous date. Think I need to sort my thinking. Jonna is still beautiful. She is unemployed and visiti...

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After the news of her jumping in front of a train I was a wreck. Did two days of heavy boosing on hotel lounges downtown. Then I visited the place where she jumped. I gave her the drawing and put...

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She is dead. Sitting on a bar and have started to get drunk. She jumped in front of a train yesterday night. I know she was the only one I have truly been in love with. The only one I have ever ...

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Suppose it is time to update here. Off from work since last week. Not doing much. Travelling to Berlin alone next week. Going to push and hit on women like there is no tomorrow. Lisa wanted to co...

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I am meeting my date from last week once again, for the third time. I still have not fucked her. She asked to meet me for a coffee. Instead I invited her to my pubquiz on thursday. I am very su...

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