A last farewell in psycho shit

After the news of her jumping in front of a train I was a wreck. Did two days of heavy boosing on hotel lounges downtown. Then I visited the place where she jumped. I gave her the drawing and put a glass angel on the ground. I told her I never did stop loving her. I also told her that I was sorry, that I did not know what I should have guessed.
I don’t know how long I stood out in the rain. It felt as she knew I was there. Then I left.
Today one guy called me and asked if I wanted to come and say a farewell at the morgue. I declined the invitation. I already said my farewell, and I don’t want to see her pale and dead.
I am going to move on now. I am also going to do something drastic in my life, which I am not sure what it is.