Entries 5,442

Page 117 of 218

After five years as an alien abductee, I’ve a lot more sympathy for house-pets, I’ll give you that much for free. When I went months without seeing another person, just the big ugly things that w...

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1.) Oh, The Intercept, you Useful Idiot Putin-shills. “The lawsuit against Wikileaks is an attack on press freedom!” Jesusing Christ, you navel gazing ego-cases. It’s an attack on espionage takin...

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1.) Any rap song instantly becomes 80% more depressing if you change the reference from Hennessy cognac to Genesee beer. 2.) A DETAIL YOU WISHED WAS ADDED IN A STORY IS NOT A “plot hole”. IT IS A...

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1.) And, yes, all if you all knew King Crimson like you should, I would write a parody of “Happy Family” about how terrible Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison productions have become. Of course I would...

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Mother Tiresias Father Gilgamesh Sister Cassandra Brother Coyote Old Uncle Odin Dear Cousin Christ let’s transcend the myth-divide together wouldn’t it be nice?

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I’d rather do good than feel right I’d rather help the refugees here now than lead some past or future’s revolution I’d rather follow flawed people trying than have to fight the monst...

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1.) What did the toreador order at the espresso bar? Cafe OLE! 2.) Wasted away again in Bean Burritoville, looking for that… lost key to the john… 3.) Here’s something interesting: remember when ...

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1.) Here’s another parody I can’t write because almost no one would both know the song and get the cultural reference: a parody of King Crimson’s “Cat Food” about the video game Shaq-Fu. 2.) HOT ...

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They said it was the most humane way they had to “deal” with us but some days, I’m not so sure. I mean, I’m glad they didn’t kill me. I’m glad I’m not a guinea pig locked up in some laboratory so...

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lullabies and alibis we’re all just trying to get sleep at night alibis and lullabies can’t we just try to rest tired eyes drop our defenses lower the disguise short hellos a...

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When they announced they’d finally cracked universal translation technology, as had been predicted for decades in pulp science-fiction, near and far the whole Earth rejoiced. Finally, they said, ...

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1.) She took to cashiering so quickly that it all seemed counter-intuitive. 2.) I hope that the remake of “BJ And The Bear” will be called APE MISBEHAVIN’. 3.) Sneak into a rally of bigots with a...

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It’s a mutually-beneficial arrangement for both sides or, to state it more honestly, for the two of the sides that have any say in the matter, anyway. That’s the whole point of making big money. ...

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yes you are the one who pulled the trigger but who put that gun into your slender hand who sold you the bullet who fed you your fears? action ...

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1.) Trump makes you miss when evil was less stupid and knew how to put up a respectable facade. The elder Bush was an oil-profiteer war-monger CIA spy-lord but, God, at least he wasn’t an idiot a...

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1.) If you didn’t name your Catholic-metal band “weapons of Mass destruction”, you don’t deserve to be the person who invented the genre of Catholic-metal. 2.) At this point, if you wanted to sel...

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1.) I just realized the ultimate “You Wanna Feel Old?”: there are people on the road, right now, as we type, legally driving cars who were born after the attacks on 9/11/2001. 2.) Many people hav...

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What do you do when you find that you’ve been rusted into place? What do you do when you’ve lost so much of yourself you don’t even know who you are anymore? Piece by piece replaced, in big chunk...

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1.) I know Ollie has never seen any of the EVIL DEAD movies, he couldn’t understand him if he did, he’s a dog. However sometimes I look at him and in his eyes I see the phrase “Good boy? Bad boy?...

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We have this thing broken in our minds, as women and men, where when things become good, something subconscious starts to assume this is just the way that it is now. The good times will continue ...

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1.) A movie about vampires flourishing in the total night of mining operations would HAVE to be called “Blood Diamonds”, right? 2.) If you must do something stupid like try and market “A MOUTHWAS...

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two hundred years of worth of names of generals and queens and kings gilded into the wall of an ancient palace will not tell you one ten-thousandth about that society as compare...

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1.) I hope that at Cirque de Soliel, the souvenir stand is called Merch de Soliel. 2.) “Shopaholic” is such a dated judgemental word. They vastly prefer “retail-oriented” these days. 3.) The most...

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they say that spring is coming but they’ve been saying it for months they said it got here three weeks ago it might not get here until June they say that spring is coming but spring must b...

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let your dim light shine yours is yours and mine is mine I once tried to reflect light too but now I am an untethered moon don’t often show my face before noon that’s the life of an untether...

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