DrifterinZion ⋅
happily married thirty-something: listening to podcasts, recycling on wednesdays, trying samples at costco - you know, adult-y stuff. a mother: my world, my life, my little devils. there’s a dog. he barks. a lot. a lover of literature, serious about blank paper, smitten by chocolate, an enthusiast of history. a wonderful example of the socially inept. a skeptic by experience. hopeful by nature.
Entries 14
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the big sick. in Drifter in Zion
“Mama, when is the big sick going to away, so we can see our friends again?” Hattie asks me, and I hug her close. A week into team-quarantine, the kids are restless. They miss school and friends...
night. in Drifter in Zion
I’m loosely held together by very thin thread, and when a seam inevitably bursts, I might not be able to stop the tears. They’re waiting: hurting my eyes, caught deep in my throat, lost in my che...
shelf. in Drifter in Zion
My first endowment session, I thought, “Hm. So, I am in a cult. Interesting,” which was followed by a family lunch at Texas Roadhouse, and ten plus years of denial. Mormons are great at denial. ...
remember when. in Drifter in Zion
Sometimes I look back at younger me - true believing me, and think, “God, you’re an asshole.” It wasn’t on purpose. When you think you’re part of God’s chosen, it’s pretty easy to mount a high h...
never have. in Drifter in Zion
For much of my life, I’ve been afraid to speak my mind, because I was (still am in many ways) a people pleaser. I don’t want to step on toes, rock the boat, or burst a bubble, so to speak. And I ...
a moment. in Drifter in Zion
I babysat in my teens, and nannied a good portion of my twenties. I was great with kids. People always said I’d be an amazing mom, and I believed them. I’ve grown to learn that babysitting and n...
i am a witness. in Drifter in Zion
You told me to write about it, as writing is cathartic for me, but when I try the words shrivel and dry; a sudden sense of panic starts to rise up inside, and all I see is a staircase: long, narr...
birth story. in Drifter in Zion
H and L entered the world without too much drama, and I imagined our third and final would be the same. After three weeks of prodromal labor, I was a-okay with a boring labor: boring is great; b...
us. in Drifter in Zion
I want to move. To a different house. Out of state. I want change. I want something other than here. I want where the sun doesn’t crack my skin, my face doesn’t blare, and we can explore the unkn...
going and going. in Drifter in Zion
The seeds of doubt sprouted on my mission, where I felt like a sub-par sales rep for a heavenly MLM: *yes, for only 10% of your grossly income, you can have eternal life (see details; restriction...
who we are. in Drifter in Zion
We visited the Holocaust Museum six years ago, but I can still smell the hoard of shoes taken from victims: worn leather and sweat; thousands of footsteps cut short. They took their glasses, too...
on with it. in Drifter in Zion
Somewhere between piles of laundry and the sound of little feet scurrying across the tiled floor, I stopped writing. I wish I could blame it all domestic duties: the floor still needs mopping, th...
hard days. in Drifter in Zion
Postpartum life always comes at me in a rage of anxious hormones and irrational thinking. Typical me is already a chronic worrier, but this is a new level of disquieted reasoning; it’s lonely – m...
crux. in Drifter in Zion
36 looms around the corner. It rests on my shoulders like dead weight. Sexist of me, I know, but I used to think it was men who undergo a mid-life crises - buying big boats and outlandish vacatio...
