going and going. in Drifter in Zion
- June 26, 2019, 4:13 p.m.
- |
- Public
The seeds of doubt sprouted on my mission, where I felt like a sub-par sales rep for a heavenly MLM: *yes, for only 10% of your grossly income, you can have eternal life (see details; restrictions apply)! *
I hated knocking on doors. I hated putting people on the spot. I hated saying it was true, because I wasn’t sure - because deep down I knew. But like a good Mormon girl, I threw my concerns on a shelf and kept on going and going and going.
I came home with honors.
I attended the singles ward.
I accepted new callings.
I married in the temple.
When doubt started to peek through the surface, I stomped it down; I threw myself into the Good Work even harder: going and going and going and going, until I felt worn and weathered and slightly unhinged.
Going
and
going
and
going
and
going.
Then it happened, the moment I stopped pretending: a late night, lying in our bed, a podcast playing between us, I rolled into the darkness and sobbed.
Disastrous Beauty ⋅ June 26, 2019
<3