never have. in Drifter in Zion
- July 1, 2019, 9:11 p.m.
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- Public
For much of my life, I’ve been afraid to speak my mind, because I was (still am in many ways) a people pleaser. I don’t want to step on toes, rock the boat, or burst a bubble, so to speak. And I apologize for everything. Everything. Including apologizing for.. apologizing.
One of the best things about S is he’s arrantly himself. He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for being who he is: he just lives; life under the weight of other people’s expectations is just too hard, too much, and simply exhausting.
Yet.
The biggest reason I haven’t left the church is because of the discomfort or sadness I’ll cause other people, mostly family. I worry I’ll spend my life tiptoeing around their feelings. I’ll bow to their delicate sensibilities about heaven and hell, and quietly spume in my own disbelief.
Except I can’t.
If it was just me…
If my life was my own…
We don’t want to raise the kids in the church.
I want them to be free - truly free to make up their minds, to follow their hearts about life’s oddities and unknowns. I want them to view the world as beautiful and wondrous and curious, not ugly and wholly sinful and crude.
I want them to love people from all walks of life.
I want them to know religion doesn’t make someone a good person. Good people are found all about us, and they can believe anything or nothing.
I want them to find their voice and use it, the way I never have.
Disastrous Beauty ⋅ July 01, 2019
Getting out of the people pleasing mentality/behavior is SO hard. I am a people pleaser as well, so I understand the struggle. A therapist once asked me "what's the worst that can happen? No, really, what's the absolute worst that can happen?" And I found that would help me break out of my old habits. Because when I realized that what I really desired and needed (and what was right) was worth that "worst" thing, it gave me the extra motivation to take those steps. And honestly, typically the worst almost never happened.
I have faith you'll find the strength you need to do what's best for you and your little ones. The fact that you're really giving an honest look at what you want for yourself and your kiddos shows that you're already part of the way there. And that's huge.
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ July 01, 2019
May I suggest a book? Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. He was a huge influence for me in breaking out of this people pleasing cycle, and making decisions based on what other people's expectations of me were.