Entries 14
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the big sick.
“Mama, when is the big sick going to away, so we can see our friends again?” Hattie asks me, and I hug her close. A week into team-quarantine, the kids are restless. They miss school and friends...
night.
I’m loosely held together by very thin thread, and when a seam inevitably bursts, I might not be able to stop the tears. They’re waiting: hurting my eyes, caught deep in my throat, lost in my che...
shelf.
My first endowment session, I thought, “Hm. So, I am in a cult. Interesting,” which was followed by a family lunch at Texas Roadhouse, and ten plus years of denial. Mormons are great at denial. ...
remember when.
Sometimes I look back at younger me - true believing me, and think, “God, you’re an asshole.” It wasn’t on purpose. When you think you’re part of God’s chosen, it’s pretty easy to mount a high h...
never have.
For much of my life, I’ve been afraid to speak my mind, because I was (still am in many ways) a people pleaser. I don’t want to step on toes, rock the boat, or burst a bubble, so to speak. And I ...
a moment.
I babysat in my teens, and nannied a good portion of my twenties. I was great with kids. People always said I’d be an amazing mom, and I believed them. I’ve grown to learn that babysitting and n...
i am a witness.
You told me to write about it, as writing is cathartic for me, but when I try the words shrivel and dry; a sudden sense of panic starts to rise up inside, and all I see is a staircase: long, narr...
birth story.
H and L entered the world without too much drama, and I imagined our third and final would be the same. After three weeks of prodromal labor, I was a-okay with a boring labor: boring is great; b...
us.
I want to move. To a different house. Out of state. I want change. I want something other than here. I want where the sun doesn’t crack my skin, my face doesn’t blare, and we can explore the unkn...
going and going.
The seeds of doubt sprouted on my mission, where I felt like a sub-par sales rep for a heavenly MLM: *yes, for only 10% of your grossly income, you can have eternal life (see details; restriction...
who we are.
We visited the Holocaust Museum six years ago, but I can still smell the hoard of shoes taken from victims: worn leather and sweat; thousands of footsteps cut short. They took their glasses, too...
on with it.
Somewhere between piles of laundry and the sound of little feet scurrying across the tiled floor, I stopped writing. I wish I could blame it all domestic duties: the floor still needs mopping, th...
hard days.
Postpartum life always comes at me in a rage of anxious hormones and irrational thinking. Typical me is already a chronic worrier, but this is a new level of disquieted reasoning; it’s lonely – m...
crux.
36 looms around the corner. It rests on my shoulders like dead weight. Sexist of me, I know, but I used to think it was men who undergo a mid-life crises - buying big boats and outlandish vacatio...
Book Description
happily married thirty-something: listening to podcasts, recycling on wednesdays, trying samples at costco - you know, adult-y stuff.
a mother: my world, my life, my little devils.
there’s a dog. he barks. a lot.
a lover of literature, serious about blank paper, smitten by chocolate, an enthusiast of history.
a wonderful example of the socially inept.
a skeptic by experience.
hopeful by nature.
a journey about leaving the church of jesus christ of later-day saints.
