Entries 3,460
Page 46 of 139
nov 15
Go into the store. Swap the labels on the marshmallow Fluff and the mayo. Make the world a weirder place. Don’t worry about expanding your orchestra. There’s always room for cello. A film w...
nov 14
Lazy fish-mongers are a leading cause of mackerel degeneration. The measure of intellect is not in being right. Any damned fool can be right, by aping someone else or by random chance. The me...
nov 13
Sonic the Hedgehog online fandom ruined the phrase “Knuckles Sandwich”. Substituting Bob Marley for Jacob Marley makes it a whole different story, is all I’m saying. Meg White’s evil oppos...
nov 12
You could write a hell of a parody of The Band’s “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” about the irony of Herman Cain decrying COVID as a hoax then dying of it. “Herman Cain was the name and he...
nov 11
Two out of three Stooges agree, the other is Fine. A rap version of THE MONSTER MASH built around a sample of someone yelling “Hey! Must be the mummy!” All I really know is, if you drove a ...
nov 10
The thing, Parsifal WAS the Fisher King… and the Red Knight & Arthur too, the same man, at different points on their path, different aspects of that journey, subsuming & generating each...
nov 9
I mean, SHARK TANK sucks but if it had the funnier title 90-DAY FINANCER, I’d at least give it points for the title. Imagining Sesame Street as the vivid hallucinations of an acid-fiend where...
nov 8
“I’m being ironic, it’s a prank, bro, it’s a social experiment!” said the edgelord as he withered away into a corncob with a Hot Topic sticker on it. “Spicy-and-Sweet Loaf Cereal” is just a l...
nov 7
Another teevee ad for a prescription drug where the generic could be split in two and it’d be a perfect name for an NPR reporter. “Dupi Lumab, All Things Considered.” My anxiety and panic are...
nov 6
A rock opera version of Oklahoma called CROP ROCK. Q-Anon sticker on some bigot’s car, this is the American curse, to believe any impossible clearly-made-up thing under the sun as long as it ...
nov 5
I wonder if between the end of spring term and the beginning of fall term, Hogwarts students could participate in some kind of Summoner’s Reading Programme. A bludgeoning weapon that’s +2 aga...
nov 4
You could easily make “Black Betty” into a song about benzo pills. “Whoa Black Betty, diazepam, Whoa Black Betty, alprazolam”. The Scandinavian tourist board should go with the slogan “Have y...
nov 3
During any meeting with entertainment executives, you should get to throw out your weirdest idea at the beginning with no negative repercussions as a “ceremonial first pitch”. Little concentr...
nov 2
I just hope that the Scarlet Witch show has a scene that’s a black-and-white war romance of her and the Vision called FROM HERE TO INFINITY. When it is this hot, we should automatically shut ...
nov 1
Why call it your “semen sample” when you can call it your “dude ranch”? Sleep, death, love, success, failure, little by little then all at once, they all arrive and leave the same way. Little...
oct 31
Just realized U.S. Acres was collectively the Jar-Jar Binks of Garfield & Friends. I can just see Jim Davis being like “We have to get U.S. Acres going because they’re the funniest characte...
oct 30
Strap some wheels on the bottom of your Ouija, call it a Fateboard. I love the retail-nerd term “Labelscar”. The haunting residue of the dirt surrounding where a corporate logo once was. Hist...
oct 29
She made a RASPBERRY BRULEE, a good reason to use your kitchen torch more, RASPBERRY BRULEE Sometimes I like to think we’re all the same consciousness, imagining that we’re different just bec...
oct 28
You can’t spell “atheist” without “a heist”. I’m not implying any meaning to this coincidence, just noting it and moving on. Yeah, I’d write a murder mystery set at the Olympics just to get t...
oct 27
I’ve realized I’m a lot better at being accountable to others than accountable to myself. Outside structures like jobs & hobbies (that happen minimally during a plague) tend to be what I le...
oct 26
Imagine a vast labyrinth, walls stretched to all horizons yet unitary. Imagine one brick unmoored to wander itself for so long it gets turned around & forgets itself a part of the whirl it ...
oct 25
There are far worse names for a punk band than “Queefer Sutherland”. The important thing to point out about those “oh my God, this thing is actually a cake!” videos is that the icing is alway...
oct 24
A quantum leap forward in Greek desserts - Scott Baklava! Why did Chuck E Cheese have to implode AFTER they got rid of the animatronics? I could’ve filled this attic with decommissioned anima...
oct 23
Lady A and Cardi B collabing on a cover of “Beyond The Sea” with a guest rap verse from Chuck D, though Easy E is no longer with us to round out the premise. YOUR OWN. PERSONAL. PIZZA. READ A...
oct 22
“Who’s voicing Garfield in this?” he asked. “It’s Music to my ears!” she responded. Music ideas: a country metal band called MULLET FOR MY VALENTINE, an emo rock opera about “The Facts of Lif...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
