Entries 3,529
Page 44 of 142
mar 14
I’ve seen more arrests in front of the Renaissance Bar after a drunken cat fight over Canal Days than I’ve seen of these penny-ante stormtroopers breaking into the Capitol with guns and Confede...
mar 13
Few years back, a tattoo parlor in Albany was getting boycotted for being Proud Boy sympathizers & all kinds of lefties were like “c’mon, I really like my tats there, you guys!” Everyone sa...
mar 12
Y’know. After years of studying his list, I think this Craig fellow might be a pimp who has too many couches. Oh yeah, middle of January I realize how good a parody of Santa Baby “Satan Baby”...
mar 11
Sell your trendy IPA to furries as “BruWu”. Why not. All rules are off. It’s Vincent PRICE PRICE BABY, it’s Vincent PRICE PRICE BABY… The French cheese wizard. The Fromage. The amount of ...
mar 10
Today was the day they met the right Fall Out Girl and became Fall Out Man. The best way to let someone know their nipples are showing through their shirt discreetly is to tastefully tactfull...
mar 9
A Spanish-Irish breakfast fusion restaurant called “Tapas The Mornin’ To Ya”. New Age yo’ momma jokes are like “Yo’ momma so unenlightened, her akashic records written in Karmic Sans.” WICH...
mar 8
Of course it seems like everyone you heard about who won the lottery was ruined by it. THOSE WERE THE ONES STUPID ENOUGH TO BE HEARD ABOUT. Lotta people just peaced out discretely and are livin...
mar 7
The internet is the ability to be judged against the best at all times and always come up lacking. There was a time if you were the strongest or smartest or best looking of the 200 people you’d...
mar 6
If you love all kinds of pizza toppings, are you panpizza? Are you personally panpizza? When Baby Yoda grows up, he’ll be like “I prefer to be called by my full name, Grogury, please.” Betw...
mar 5
My fear is that 2020 will have been the Jar-Jar Binks of years: so clearly horrible that you thought it an aberration but, really, it was just setting the bar for the REALLY bad stuff to come, ...
mar 4
If we were all Pez dispensers, we could load a tube of Pringles down our throats and shoot little sour cream & onion discs at our enemies. A Soundgarden parody about Super Mario Brothers ...
mar 3
I feel like if I ever got the opportunity to put out a short story collection, I’d have to go with the title “It’s Not Okay and That’s Okay”. Italian Restaurants: sell garlic knots to ironic ...
mar 2
Can you really still be mad at Luke for giving up on being a hero in THE LAST JEDI after being pummeled by 2020 for twelve months? At this point, I’m like “Yeah, Skywalker, you have a point, my...
mar 1
Krampus? Yeah. That’s terrifying. You know what’s REALLY terrifying? (whispers in your ear) The Tooth Furry. I was today years old when I realized that “Some Kind of Wonderful” and “Heartache...
feb 28
A story about characters who have had fleeting encounters with The Crow called “The Gothman Prophecies”. See if you can convince someone that you think “BDSM” stands for “Buford / Denver The ...
feb 27
I don’t know what the Heathcliff/BEEFCLIFF meme would look like, I just know it needs to exist. The New Mutants character Sunspot had the nickname Berto for Roberto and grew up very very rich...
feb 26
The logical endgame of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is, of course, Schrodinger’s Butter. You cannot know if it is or is not butter until you open the box. Uber but the driver shows up in a...
feb 25
The optimal name for a punk band is “Shrektal Thermometer”. We haven’t had a mash-up of CITIZEN KANE and A CHRISTMAS CAROL yet. A Scottish cake boss may well have to make the bagpipes with ...
feb 24
Step One: start a business. Step Two: create a mascot called Murray Little. Step Three: frame all your holiday ads around the slogan “have yourself a Murray Little Christmas! Step Four: ??? Ste...
feb 23
Horatio Alger, who invented all the bootstrap idiocy upon which so many American horrors are founded, only became an author of wealth-worshiping drivel because he was run out of his hometown on...
feb 22
Yeah, I’m singing that funk song “Brick House” but about looking a gift horse in the mouth. You’ll be doing it too now that you read this. Why say you “mend pants” when you can say you “dabbl...
feb 21
You all worrying about where the pants would go on this or that, I’m still trying to figure out how many sticks you’d need to crucify a centaur. A rapper wasting money on a rivalry is a lot l...
feb 20
Maybe the real monster was the big head we gave Todd along the way. Imagine being so rich that no one can tell you that Jar-Jar Binks is a bad idea. Just really get into that idea and sit the...
feb 19
Step into my Parler, said the con-man to the chud… A head canon where Herbie The Love Bug was a prequel to the Cars movies. Eventually, someone breaks Herbie’s heart and he leads the rise of ...
feb 18
I like mashing up Disney songs. I am currently singing Ursula’s song to the tune of I Can Show You The World. “Pooooooooor un-FOR-tunate sooooooooouuullllls…” The existence of Brawny Man beli...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
