Entries 346
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Mental Illness
Recently I watched someone describe what acting out borderline personality disorder was like. I call it acting out… Because like most of these psychological disorders, it always seems to never h...
Y'all my babies
Are the cutest! They also have big heads. This bean had a 15” head at birth. I still have diastasis recti, which is separation of the abdominal muscles, and (tmi!) trouble holding in elimination...
2022
Was the first year that I have made no contact with my parents. I find myself imagining conversations with people who might ask about it. No one ever does. The last request I made to my parents ...
My wish is coming
True.... I think. W is a lot better today and so is L. I don’t have any symptoms either except for that random fever a day ago. I really need to get back on the home cooked meals and strict no ea...
Annoyed update
This was the third entry I made in the last few days that got deleted right after I hit publish. Anywho. Life goings on. Our kids are currently sick. W has snotty nose and that’s pretty much it, ...
Dad,
The guy who never gave a shit. The very last time I saw my dad, it was at my cousin’s wedding when I walked up to say goodbye, and he gave me a disgusted sneer and said nothing. That was 2 years...
Posturing
I’ve caught myself doing it twice in the last 2 days! Uhg. I don’t want to characterize it as “cringe”, but it is… At least that’s how I feel, and how I imagine others feel. Both times were spea...
Family, dreams
Time with the ex army aunt and her family was actually quite nice. DH echoed my own personal feelings on the way home. He told me how he was pleasantly shocked at uncle E’s (aunts husband) self ...
Glowing
Says DH. “What?” I look up from staring dreamily at my baby. “You’re glowing! You look really nice today.” DH repeated. Huh. At first I feel a bit of warmth - like a genuine reaction to a kind...
Expectations
I’ve realized that our toddler, W, isn’t like the other kids some time ago. But I hadn’t connectedwhy until maybe this morning. I mean, I know why- peaceful parenting. But more specifically, it’...
Who wants this?
Not the first time I’ve contemplated the possibility that my mom wants for me to get away. I almost buy the idea that she is rooting for my freedom. Because of her over the top sympathy, her vic...
Friends
My friends are great. Too great.... They brought over meals and gifts for the new baby, and I really want to say ‘thank you’- and now Xmas is right around the corner! I think I will give them Xma...
We Went Out
Yesterday for the first time just me and the kids. It went really well. Idk why but I’m continuously shocked at how well mannered and willing to please our son is. The terrible 2s is more like t...
Nowhere
Where you goin? Yes we’re going nowhere at all for Christmas! We went nowhere for Thanksgiving either and it was glorious. We had a few friends over, and then DHs grandma and aunt stopped by last...
Dissociation
DHs grandma and aunt came over the other day. DH was noticeably dissociated/distracted while they were here. I pointed it out to him, today, and asked if he’d noticed. He said he did. And told me...
Happiness again, FIL again
I told DH the other day that I’m so happy that I almost feel guilty about it. We had an interesting discussion about how most people hate and attack happiness. The most obvious and hyperbolic exa...
Died Suddenly
Was disturbing. I can’t get the images out of my mind. I’ve seen the pictures before floating around from different articles and they all look pretty similar even from widely disparate places an...
Happiness
Apparently stay at home moms and housewives are the happiest people around. I’m really starting to understand why. And I’m beginning to resent the prejudices that my mother, govt schooling, femi...
FIL
Yesterday, I found out DH saw and talked to his dad last week at the grocery store. This little bit of innocuous information isn’t particularly important in itself, it’s that I found out not fro...
1 week
I’ve been mom to my girlie Lexi Bird for 1 blessed, glorious week! She’s a peach. In and out. Our son was so laid back once we met the initial challenges, and this girlie is so good natured righ...
11/11
She’s here, on 11/11/22, which is another cool number! Water broke last night at 10:30, and 5 hours later she was here. It went so fast, yet every moment seemed to take an hour at the time. It w...
Help
Getting help has been biggest concern for this newborn stage. I’m selling into the newborn routine quite nicely. I thought I’d be more tired. But really with a few 2-hour solid sleeps in a day, I...
Ó3 Days
Until my EDD! Mercifully, the contractions that had been almost non-stop around the clock stopped last night. They weren’t ‘real’ contractions, but annoying and uncomfortable enough to keep me aw...
Tired
Contractions slowed down mercifully at about 5am and I slept till about 830. I don’t remember having them this strong this early, last time. I’m 39+2 today. Still 5 more days until EDD, but I’m n...
I feel close
Everything feels very close… My cat who almost never sits on me came around and sat on me today. My son has been extra super cuddly. I feel like I’m in the time in between. You know, the time whe...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
