Manorexic (he/then) ⋅ 40 ⋅
Manorexia - I have a dating disorder
A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there
Entries 1,709
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May Long Weakened in Current Events
My mother picked me up Saturday morning so we could go shopping for plants. When I got into the car, she was crying. She was embarrassed about it. It didn’t come out of nowhere, but she couldn’t...
Vicarious Drama the Sequel in Current Events
Previously on The Gays of our Lives… I reconnected with my cousin, who was finally in a good place. He got a new job serving kids in community up north, and moved into a new place with a friend...
Stirring Up My Insides in Current Events
Why can’t I feel? I seem to have some access to my emotions. The physical experience of them, at least. Particularly with empathy, which is just a form of projection. According to my fragile li...
Humbling/Crumbling in Current Events
We introduced two brothers to our program yesterday. One is 6, the other is 12. Our managers forced them into our program because they know their mother. We are already at capacity and have our ...
Loud & Clear in Current Events
*I’m back to my baseline. It isn’t louder, it is just clearer. * I didn’t talk to any boys yesterday. I had no distractions. I was feeling what was there. There wasn’t anything new. I exhausted...
Nightmare in Current Events
I feel heartbroken over a nightmare. I dreamt that my mother and I got into a fight. One of my sisters had a newborn, who was sick or something. My mother was gonna douse him with bug spray, a...
Vicarious Drama in Current Events
I have a cousin who was like a best friend to me growing up. The last several times that I have seen him, he was not in a good place. He is a recovering addict now. He was in such a great place ...
Dare You To Move in Current Events
I had Jaiden over yesterday, again. The second coming, if you will. Ok, bad joke. I wiggled out of my shift early so I could see him. It’s the cuddling for me. I feel so good the next day. It’s ...
Small Win in Current Events
A win is a win Feels like everything is just getting in my way. No matter what it is, there is an obstacle I have to contend with. Endless friction. I don’t have the dopamine to regulate. I am ...
Skyscraper in Current Events
I’m standing on business Whatever I was going through, I think I’m breaking out of it. April 27th ends a heavy cycle for Taurus placements. All the fixed signs, really. So they say. That would ...
Locking In in Current Events
He hurt my feelings. Stopped me from dreaming. Own your story. My family doctor hurt my feelings. You’re on a 20-year-old’s journey. You’re 40, why did it take you so long to show up for yourse...
Going Through The Motions in Current Events
The straw broke the camel’s back Just as I got to one of my participants’ houses for a drop off, he noticed that his mother wasn’t home. I called her, and she told me that she is at Children’s ...
This and That in Current Events
I think you’re taking yourself for granted. I think you think that everybody else is like you, but they’re nothing like you. My therapist said that to me at the end of my session yesterday. He’...
Cat and Mouse in Current Events
Met Jared face to face finally. Jerry he likes to be called. So we are Tom & Jerry. I’m trying to catch him. I’m coming on too strong. He’s scared and confused. He’s never been in a relati...
Happenings in Current Events
I was looking forward to this long weekend. The last several weeks have been super intense. Yesterday I stayed in bed most of the day. I napped twice. I did my old grounding routine. I’m also tr...
I'm Not A Good Person in Current Events
On Saturday, I met up with someone from Grindr for a bite. We both wanted to try a new restaurant. I don’t think I can call this a date. We are both trying to make new friends. He was such an ad...
Miss Behave in Current Events
I didn’t rise clean. I rose mean. I’ll just update on my health. The inflammation has gone down so much. My waist looks snatched most days. I got colour to me, people think I have been tanning....
Haunted in Current Events
It dawned on me what that guy from the gym represents. Somewhere in my psyche, he reminds me of Roarke. It’s so embarrassing, really. I’m neutral with everyone else I see in that change room. ...
First Degree in Current Events
Be careful what you wish for I always manifest things in a way that blows up in my face. I need a break from the gym, I’m addicted. I keep saying to myself. What is it going to take? A little b...
Wendigocon in Current Events
I witnessed a Wendigo (backwards people) ceremony last night. One of the programs at my organization hosted its annual healing conference yesterday. I volunteered our youth programs for the ch...
No Participation Prize Either in Current Events
There are no trophies It wasn’t a profound statement, but I felt some of the pressure release. As a 50-year-old woman, let me just say one piece of wisdom that I’ve learned. There are no trophi...
Veganniversary in Current Events
Dear Diary: 10 years ago, I went plant-based. It feels like a lifetime ago. It’s the end of an era, however. I introduced Bison into my diet today. That’s it. That’s my diary post.
Undercurrent in Current Events
Something has shifted in the moon brother I heard someone say that the highest form of intelligence is metacognition. My metacognition is pretty strong, but I think of it more as a multiplier. ...
Reflect in Current Events
I’m putting the fun in executive dysfunction. They compare ADHD executive dysfunction (task paralysis) to someone trying to put their hand on a hot plate. The brain senses danger, so it hesitat...
Step by Step in Current Events
He hurt my feelings. I stopped dreaming What my doctor did was not neutral or harmless. He didn’t diagnose me; he was out of line. I’m only human, so it hurt. I am trying to hold space for it s...
