Miss Chiffs Manager (One) ⋅ 38 ⋅
Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
The ending is written into the beginning
Entries 736
Page 26 of 30
Facebook in A Childhood Lost
It triggers a part in me that needs to be Heard. Hear me, dammit! I AM a person! I HAVE a voice! I exist. I spoke with that part today. She was 2 years old. Just 2 years old. A small, angry ball...
Narcissist? in Journal
So I decided to tell my therapist about my mom today. I really like my therapist because she is level headed and, I think, very objective. I told her that I’m not looking to be ‘supported’, but r...
Am I Insane? in Journal
Sometimes I really do wonder. I know they say that if you can ask that question, you’re not insane. But then I wonder if they say that as a consolation for the insane. After all, the insane are...
Loneliness, My Oldest Friend. in Journal
You comfort me and hold me while I have no one else. You’re here with me even others are close. You guard me against their efforts to come between us. You are a jealous friend; never letting me l...
How *Not* to RTR in Journal
How not to talk to your loved ones, rule #1; Tell them what to do! Yes indeed, tell them that you know exactly what they’re doing wrong, and try to control the situation. It always ends in disast...
My Mother the Tor-Mentor in Journal
I was telling a friend how I was grieving the mentoring that I never got as a child, teenager or even young adult. I feel like I am learning all the things right now that should have been instil...
Talking, Talking, Talking in Journal
I resent having to ask the hard questions and then getting attacked for it. We have a great conversation about our son’s naming- my hero and idol in the realm of science, a certain Austrian doct...
My Dad showed up at my house the other day without any warning. He didn’t call, didn’t text, never mentioned that he wanted to stop by at all. In fact I didn’t even realize that it was him until ...
Discovering Parenthood in Journal
is uncovering everything that went wrong with my childhood. And if I do not condemn that, I will not change. If I don’t internalize the condemnation of evil, wrong, or abusive actions, then I wi...
the things that I never knew existed. It’s sort of like walking around all your life with holes in your pockets. And then discovering a new pair of pants with intact pockets. Nothing falls out. ...
When you Try in Journal
It feels really good. I feel like you care. I feel like you want to be around. I feel wanted. I feel valued. And I know it’s just as much my fault when I don’t feel this way. I know that I can b...
Revelation in Journal
This morning I was making coffee and I began to ponder. I pondered and I thought and I pondered. (Yes I’ve been reading Winnie the Pooh to my son lately, lol) I wondered why my mother told me th...
I Gave Up on You in Journal
That’s what my mom said to me yesterday. When I asked her about what choices she thought she didn’t have. When I pushed and prodded and dug and tried to uncover the real reason for her abandonme...
I find it very annoying that you come back with these excuses. I have noticed this pattern repeating in fashion for the last year or so, since we began talking about my childhood. You said to me...
Attachments and Bonding in Journal
I realize now that I bonded with animals when I was very young. What brought on this realization was observing how our mutual pet cats effortlessly bring out excitement, affection, adoration, an...
I feel like I’ve fallen down a deep dark hole, but perhaps not as bad as it could be. That’s how I always feel, though. In he depths of depression, I deny my own pain and focus on self erasure. ...
is my world, now. He wasn’t before, but he is now. And I’m actually okay with that. I’m quite frankly in love with that. I really love the fact that I can think about HIM and HIS needs, what HE w...
Cows and Mud in Dreams
Last night the memorable part of my dream… I was outside and looking around my pasture, to see where the cows needed to go. I was looking at the grass and how shorn it was, noticing that none of ...
My default is to forestall feeling my emotions before I even have a chance of being aware they’re there. I found a great place to start expressing myself where I feel safe enough to accept feedba...
Attention. Holding a background & foreground of ideas, opinions, feelings, etc, of opposing views is a mark of maturing attention. “On the other hand,”, “In contrast..”, “I’m angry with you b...
Thank Glob in Journal
Babe slept 6 hours straight for the 3rd night in a row. I’m so happy. We had a big day yesterday. An almost 5 hour round trip to go pick up a cow. Yes, I bought a cow with my stimulus money =’D ...
Grounding is the Shit in Journal
If you don’t know what it is, look it up. You won’t be disappointed. For the last year and a half, I have been slowly making our house less health antagonistic. Ie, had DH rewire the old ungroun...
The End of the Middle-? of the End in Pregnancy Journal
I wish I knew what caused the Poly. I’m convinced that is why my water broke. We weren’t ready; him or I. it was just the sheer pressure that popped my membranes. I feel like everything that hap...
Stay Off of Social Media in Journal
Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of s...
The Middle? of the End in Pregnancy Journal
Tuesday morning I woke up in intense pain from a strong contraction. They were of a different sort than those I had experienced up to that point. I was still very sleepy and tired, but thrilled t...
