7:50 PM
So that period of tranquility is over. Last night I stayed up till about 7 in the morning playing with several old and new friends, all from Australia. We spent hours and hours doing heists with many failures but it all ended up working out. I fell asleep and got up around 2 PM, I had a very hard time waking up and it was dreamless sleep as well, I hadn’t a night of dreamless sleep in a while. I kept waking up and falling back asleep-sometimes even falling asleep sitting up, I found I have that problem and then my neck and back get a little stiff. I have been tired all day but not only that I felt pretty bad depression today. That soul crushing darkness dragging my heart down where every breath just hurts and then I realized it, I have not been thinking much about it but after last month I thought I was finally mentally stable but I am not. I think about making an appointment with my doctor but then think why bother, part of me feels I deserve to suffer and the other part of me realizes that even with a change of medicine it will just delay the feelings I have until this overpowering darkness finds a way around what medicine has to offer. I have therapy in a few days but I am not looking forward to it, I never do. It achieves nothing, I go in and say how I have been feeling and then she says well what do you do to get over it and it is like that every single time and I just cannot stomach it anymore I tried lying, even the truth but it achieves nothing.
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