3:50 PM
Wow. I haven’t felt this depressed in a while and I thought the previous days were bad. Last night I wasn’t feeling that great and I ended up staying up a while. and I got sick and I threw up, it must have been something I ate. What made it suck even more is the fact I had rice and that is a bunch of little food things coming up and I ended up getting some stuck in my throat which made me throw up again. After that I felt fine for the rest of the night and I am not sick anymore so it must have been the rice or something…
Today, ever since I woke up I have felt super super depressed I mean unbelievably depressed. I never thought a day could get so dark. People ask me how is life living with depression, let me explain - Life is just grey, the whole world is grey, nothing is fun, everything is bland. You are drowning yet everyone around you is breathing fine. Like your heart and head are being dragged down by something, you are not there mentally very much - you withdraw into yourself. I feel like I was walking along this great big hole and I tripped and fell in and all that I see around me is pitch black darkness and I am just falling and falling for eternity. I have been slugging through today and mother is still sick she asked me to take her to walmart and I just said i couldn’t, I felt so bad and I told her I would go with her later but I feel so bad about it.
We have ran out of money and it is still very early in the month, mother mishandled the money this month and she had to borrow to get me a phone card ( It usually is included with the money I pay for bills but…) and we have no food. I don’t know, I actually lost my appetite for once, I was hungry because I had literally nothing in my stomach so I made myself a Pizza and ate about 2/3rds of it and I just couldn’t eat anymore, I didn’t feel full I just… I don’t know how to describe it.
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