Entries 5,442

Page 124 of 218

They told us that it was our choice, of course, when we were kids. The government had scanned our genes and said we had the potential to manifest our superhuman abilities if we were able to expos...

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1.) In the “Press Your Luck” game show that is flipping through L.A.s weird digital signal channels, ANDROMEDA WITH KEVIN SORBO is the Whammy on The Comet Network. 2.) I bet if Guy Fieri took a s...

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1.) In my headcanon, Shaggy’s father is named Samuel so that the paranoid fringe figure who thinks his dog can talk will literally be Son of Sam. 2.) If they can manage to get Trump behind bars f...

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1.) You’ve never seen a sadder ice golem than when someone explained to Frosty what a snowblower ACTUALLY does. 2.) I want to say that the party at the house next to my brother’s involved a 75 mi...

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1.) The great thing about AIM ending and making friendster and ICQ jokes about it is that google-plus is actually still around but not even relevant enough to even be compared to myspace. 2.) TIT...

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1.) I’m like Bow in SHE-RA, kind of useless but you need one or two dudes around and hey at least my hair is incredibly handsone. 2.) If you say “Big Rock Candy Mountain” ten times fast you event...

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1.) If you think Die Hard is your favourite Christmas movie, your favourite Hanukkah film is probably its sequel Die Challah. 2.) Vandalize all MAGA signs by changing them to say NAGA and then dr...

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1.) A series of Jethro Tull remixes where they take out all the flute parts called “Jethro Null”. 2.) Your story about Biggie Smalls’ reincarnation will be called THE CONTINUOUS B.I.G. 3.) Whenev...

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descending into Newark airport past refineries and roundabouts past shipping docks and used car lots we dip our wings through turbulence off toward Manhattan Island toward New York City orange...

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1.) A festive holiday train ride where half the kids, at random, get to meet Santa while the others are tormented by the Krampus. Call it… The Bi-Polar Express. 2.) It’s weird how Star Wars is th...

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There are the things in your life you regret then there are the things in your life that you miss and you rue and you feel bad about but you don’t exactly regret them. The things you learned from...

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1.) If Frankenstein were a professional wrestler, I’d hope they’d announce him as being from Parts Unknown. 2.) The less said about The Loin Ranger the better. 3.) When Luke went to an old hermit...

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1.) “Yeah, I’m kind of a big deal in the half-bee witch community,” she said, totally bumblehagging. 2.) When your friends are Catholics who are gonna have one of those six hour long High Mass w...

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1.) Curdle the milk of this spoiled society into a nourishing yogurt by inoculating it with active counter-cultures. 2.) I am indifferent to how my clothes fit, I am nonplussedsized. 3.) Whether ...

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1.) Every conspiracy theory started with a person deciding that their view of the world must matter more than the facts as they happen, what happens when acknowledging the truth would kill you bu...

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1.) National tabletop role playing game day should be December 20th, yeah? 2.) Why do the bodegas in Utica all seem to have flashing red and blue lights in their windows? It seems self-defeating ...

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a billionaire pays young men from oppressed backgrounds to give each other brain damage on national television the men are not from where you’re from they’re largely disadvantaged rural South...

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1.) No no no, they were chanting “JAIL SATAN!” “JAIL Satan!” They’re Christian but they’re moderates, they want to see the Dark Lord fairly tried for his crimes and, you know, rehabilitated under...

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eighty-three percent of all problems in history were caused by people thinking they are the baseline human experience their faith, their diet, their orientation how much heat they want to r...

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We get to live, what, ninety years if we’re lucky? We all just got here. We’re all just babies. The only reason we’re not gathering berries and living in trees is the generational transf...

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1.) The fact that we’re getting a return of the trickledown scam from the guy who has hidden urine-fetish sex tapes has not escaped me, don’t you worry. 2.) When Ron Jeremy gets around to having ...

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1.) The best name for an emo band ever would be ATTEMPTED MARTYR and I hope emo has realized this. 2.) “Vanilla Frozen Dairy Dessert Sandwiches With Chocolatey Coating”. Frozen Ding-Dongs, that i...

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if everyone is broken then nobody is if nobody’s perfect then everybody is yes, yes you, even in the back there we’re all dinged up, we’re all burning oil, we’re all dragging brakes, ...

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the less stuff you have and the less stuff that you owe the less organized you have to be the less organized you have to be the less stuff you have to worry about the less stuff you have...

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1.) Post-apocalyptic YA Garfield’s catchphrase is “I Hate Mundanes”. 2.) Your Canadian Modest Mouse cover band will be called Modest Moose. 3.) The less stuff you have and the less stuff you owe,...

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