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1.) I mean, yeah, I’m singing Doors parodies about Deep Space Nine, aren’t you? “Mister O-Do’s Risin’, Mister O-Do’s Risin’, RISIN’ RISIN!” 2.) Sadly, the very smartest of the dinosaurs were too ...

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Sometimes I feel my life has been defined by how few risks I’ve taken, how little stomach I have them. I can’t even parallel park for fear of smashing someone’s car, every driver’s test I’ve take...

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1.) At the end of Willy Wonka, was Violet Beauregarde… berried alive? 2.) The other big thing saving my mind in the middle of this all is a tool my dad left me, maybe even specifically for situat...

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1.) A parody of John Lennon’s WOMAN about a wolfman? 2.) The fact that we don’t have Wishbone around anymore to introduce PBS children to George RR Martin’s work in A GAME OF BONES is a loss for ...

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I was well-jaded to celebrity sightings at that point, working for the modestly famous myself. I wasn’t anyone, of course, just a gofer in a small production office, go for this, go for that but ...

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1.) If you’re writing a story about the Disney and Warner Brothers characters going off to fight in Vietnam and slowly being dragged down into bitterness, madness and despair, you better damn wel...

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1.) People who want “the big corner office” unnerve me. I don’t understand the impulse to having big flashy abusive power. I just wanna work from a computer in a converted closet or from a stage,...

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1.) For the first time in over three months, I wanted to clean the house, it felt like it needed doing, like it was worth doing, like it wasn’t just meaningless in the face of the weight of how a...

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1.) If you turn a pair of Converses inside-out are they now a pair of Contrapositives? 2.) When law is just a mechanism to justify, to codify hate and fear, discard it. When law is a mechanism to...

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evolution is just the aggregation of mistakes that turn out to be beneficial until so many of them pile up at once and you have something new despite yourself make all of the mistakes, a...

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“Gramma,” Jasmine asked, “one more tonight?” “All right,” her grandma pretended to chide but was happy to oblige, “one more then your mom says you must sleep for school tomorrow.” “Oh-kaaay,” the...

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what you don’t know can, of course, hurt you what you don’t know will still hurt like hell it will devastate you, it will ruin you but what you don’t know can only hurt you blessedly...

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half the trick to making art is failing at everything else first backing yourself so far into the corner of unhireability so that you have to pour your whole life into art ...

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1.) Evolution is just the aggregation of mistakes that turn out to be beneficial until you have something new. Make all the mistakes. Sort out what works at the end. Work it out. Evolve. 2.) In t...

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here we are at the fall of Rome the gate-barbarians strictly our own privileged classes swelling with hate tearing us down with demands for more fences and an end to all gates beca...

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god tried to kill me with dog piss three am stumbling toward the bathroom linoleum slicked with canine anxiety trying to set me up for the slow and lonely humiliating demise that would fit ...

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the “freedom” of being single is the same kind of “freedom” your bones get to have when there’s no skin or muscle or sinew to hold them together they’re free but motionless dea...

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1.) 83% of the names of summer camps in bad comedies are essentially “Camp LazyRacistJoke”. 2.) When people say “oh, people in (oppressed group) just like to pretend they’re offended to get atten...

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1.) How can I write the sweet little story I have half-finished on my laptop for Wednesday in this bitter rain, in this crumbling nation, in this unfocused lonely mournful mood? It sits there wai...

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1.) Elton John’s seafood restaurant should be called THE BISQUE IS BACK. 2.) You CAN explore other cultures as an influence in your own art but it takes a light touch. It’s called “cultural appro...

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1.) It’s not about how good you are at the beginning, in baseball or in life. They’re going to make adjustments to cancel out your strengths once they get a closer look at you. If and how you’re ...

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The machine did its job, for better and for worse, it froze me in 1998 and I woke up twenty years later. My closest family dead, my last relationship a shamble, a cryogenics experiment seemed a d...

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1.) Godzilla caught wind of the locovore movement and started to eat only trains. 2.) You don’t get to be a billionaire doing good things. Maybe you can get to be a billionaire while walling your...

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1.) Dear Richard Spencer lookin’ douchebag race-car driver in the Honda ad on SNY, if you have to tell us you’re a “famous race-car driver”, you aren’t a famous race-car driver. Oh, you may well ...

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In the development of the NSA’s dur-a-sim android series, as body doubles, spies and assassins when the use of a human agent was uncalled for, the sticking point near the end of the process was o...

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