Entries 3,434
Page 5 of 138
j5
Apparently the hockey player “Patrick Roy” was supposed to be pronounced “Patrick WAH” in Canada. Which makes me wonder if Waluigi is spelled “Royluigi” in Canada. From the ads for REACH...
j3
What Warhol understood, but didn’t say out-loud as no one back then would have believed him, was that those fifteen minutes we were all indeed about to get would be the worst fifteen minutes...
j1
The Henson Company’s personell department would’ve technically been H.R. Puppet Stuff. Maybe the Great Filter of the Fermi Paradox is social media. Every civilization that got close to r...
m30
If British Knights shoes and Burger King sandwiches never did a cross-promotion, that’s just a missed trick, for sure. Head-canon where TREMORS is a distant prequel to DUNE. The opti...
m28
If Doogie Howser had been a therapist instead of a medical doctor, it could’ve been called “Doogie Howser, Child Psychologist”. A French light beer called “Oui Oui”. An Applebees ad ...
m26
If you mix pumpkin spice beer with lemonade, that’s a Boo Radler, delicious enough to kill a mockingbird. The next step up is to mash up public domain properties with pop stars. “Steambo...
m24
A minotaur version of Skeletor called SKELETAUR. Why call it a “honey bun” when you can call it “B-Roll”? The Steamboat Willie public domain rom-com called DREAMBOAT WILLIE. Why ...
m22
Why say “sitting pillow” when you can say “stool softener”? A future where “flipping” is the actual F-word, because everyone realized how cynically dehumanizing real estate flipping was ...
m20
A Spanish Irish fusion restaurant called Tapas The Morning. There is comedy in pretending you confuse the words “balaclava” “baklava” and “balalaika” but it’s admittedly a niche. A s...
m18
There is not a border crisis, there is not an immigration crisis, there is a humanitarian crisis and a crisis of lack of empathy. There are people suffering and there is our moral imperative...
m16
“Did you ever hear the tale of Doc Plagueis The Mad? They say he could use the Force to control… time itself…” I just saw the grossest sounding phrase in the history of the language in a...
prompt: shady, title: barnum and bail-outs
It wasn’t always like this, y’know. Shysters trying to sell you horse-dewormer for a respiratory infection or procedurally-generated pictures of Christ with sixteen fingers and four elbows and t...
m14
A parody of “American Woman” about AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. You don’t “have Taco Bell for dinner”. You might eat it. You may well consume it. Your body will absorb it and attempt ...
m12
COBRA’s Weather Dominator implies the existence of G.I. JOE’s Weather Submissive. She loved Kermit so much, when he was in physical need, even if she had the worst headache in the world,...
m10
You could easily start calling Easter “Furry Halloween”. It’d be funny! The problem is, you might give them the idea to take the idea seriously. The problem with good satire is it’s so close...
m8
A next-gen video game about THE FACTS OF LIFE could involve a 3-D Tootie. The most scientifically perfect strap-on and it’s called The Bigs-Hoseon. All you need for an “angry” review...
m6
Shittin’ in the mornin’ sun / I’ll be shittin’ when the evenin’ comes / Watching the shits roll in / Then I watch ‘em roll away again, yeah / I’m shittin’ on the dock of the bay / Watchin’ t...
m4
Both extremes of I.P. discourse kill culture as we know it & no one wants solutions that actually work. If you let pseudo-AI run rampant, no one makes anything new simple there’s no cash...
m2
They’ve had so many tie-ins at McDonalds over the years but we’ve never gotten the “Egg McMuppet” and that’s just a shame. The Sausage Egg McMuppet could be MADE out of the pig woman! No...
a30
Wendy’s had the lock on “eating barely-acceptable chili in a solarium” market and they just threw it away. When you have a segment cornered, you gotta hold onto it for dear life, but no. The...
a28
There is something deeply unnerving about the idea of being treated in a hospital named after a chain of casinos. Like, you’re just cosmically asking for it. If you look north and sudden...
a26
If you want to be accepted as a tree hugger, you need to immerse yourself in poplar culture. If Kenny Loggins last word aren’t “im.. all right… don’t nobody… worry bout me…” he will have...
a24
One-hundred years of Disney, built on the exploitation of the business unsaavy Ub Iwerks, who did most of the work while Walt took the money and the credit. If Steamboat Willie goes back to ...
a22
No orgy’s feast is complete without at least one braisin’ strumpet. A Dire Straits parody about Bart Simpson, David and Dennis the Menace called “Sultans of Sling”. A card game of ta...
easter barrage
Imprisoned for his many serious crimes, Paul Blart tries to escape his prison by evading the warden Paul Rudd, who turns out to act for the money but his real passion is prison wardening and...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
