Entries 3,460
Page 41 of 139
mar 20
In Soviet Russia, party rocks and rolls YOU all night and every day. You will perform classical reinterpretations of Katy Perry songs as “Catherine Periwinkle”. I still say E.T. looks like ...
mar 19
Your Internet Scam name is your ATM pin and then your social security number. I want Trump to have a “November 1st College Campus Walk-Of-Shame” exit, Trump in a disheveled incomplete version...
mar 18
The hip-hop term “OG” stands for “Olive Garden”. Every time I see Kyra Sedwick in a television ad I think she’s Amy Sedaris and that’s a compliment to them both. If you think about it, on F...
mar 17
That goat giving birth is just kidding. Traditional at a ghost wedding, of course, is sheet cake. Somewhere, there’s an EDM button pusher who performs as M.C. Rib. If the SEX IN THE CITY ...
mar 16
Now that The Weeknd has a Super Bowl half-time gig, you’d think he could finally afford to pay for that missing “e”. Nothing like watching your first NFL game start to finish in years to reme...
mar 15
singing “When you read until there’s pizzas, PARP it like it’s hot, PARP it like it’s hot, PARP it like it’s hot” Have a merchandise sale in the middle of March called THE IDES OF MERCH. If...
mar 14
I’ve seen more arrests in front of the Renaissance Bar after a drunken cat fight over Canal Days than I’ve seen of these penny-ante stormtroopers breaking into the Capitol with guns and Confede...
mar 13
Few years back, a tattoo parlor in Albany was getting boycotted for being Proud Boy sympathizers & all kinds of lefties were like “c’mon, I really like my tats there, you guys!” Everyone sa...
mar 12
Y’know. After years of studying his list, I think this Craig fellow might be a pimp who has too many couches. Oh yeah, middle of January I realize how good a parody of Santa Baby “Satan Baby”...
mar 11
Sell your trendy IPA to furries as “BruWu”. Why not. All rules are off. It’s Vincent PRICE PRICE BABY, it’s Vincent PRICE PRICE BABY… The French cheese wizard. The Fromage. The amount of ...
mar 10
Today was the day they met the right Fall Out Girl and became Fall Out Man. The best way to let someone know their nipples are showing through their shirt discreetly is to tastefully tactfull...
mar 9
A Spanish-Irish breakfast fusion restaurant called “Tapas The Mornin’ To Ya”. New Age yo’ momma jokes are like “Yo’ momma so unenlightened, her akashic records written in Karmic Sans.” WICH...
mar 8
Of course it seems like everyone you heard about who won the lottery was ruined by it. THOSE WERE THE ONES STUPID ENOUGH TO BE HEARD ABOUT. Lotta people just peaced out discretely and are livin...
mar 7
The internet is the ability to be judged against the best at all times and always come up lacking. There was a time if you were the strongest or smartest or best looking of the 200 people you’d...
mar 6
If you love all kinds of pizza toppings, are you panpizza? Are you personally panpizza? When Baby Yoda grows up, he’ll be like “I prefer to be called by my full name, Grogury, please.” Betw...
mar 5
My fear is that 2020 will have been the Jar-Jar Binks of years: so clearly horrible that you thought it an aberration but, really, it was just setting the bar for the REALLY bad stuff to come, ...
mar 4
If we were all Pez dispensers, we could load a tube of Pringles down our throats and shoot little sour cream & onion discs at our enemies. A Soundgarden parody about Super Mario Brothers ...
mar 3
I feel like if I ever got the opportunity to put out a short story collection, I’d have to go with the title “It’s Not Okay and That’s Okay”. Italian Restaurants: sell garlic knots to ironic ...
mar 2
Can you really still be mad at Luke for giving up on being a hero in THE LAST JEDI after being pummeled by 2020 for twelve months? At this point, I’m like “Yeah, Skywalker, you have a point, my...
mar 1
Krampus? Yeah. That’s terrifying. You know what’s REALLY terrifying? (whispers in your ear) The Tooth Furry. I was today years old when I realized that “Some Kind of Wonderful” and “Heartache...
feb 28
A story about characters who have had fleeting encounters with The Crow called “The Gothman Prophecies”. See if you can convince someone that you think “BDSM” stands for “Buford / Denver The ...
feb 27
I don’t know what the Heathcliff/BEEFCLIFF meme would look like, I just know it needs to exist. The New Mutants character Sunspot had the nickname Berto for Roberto and grew up very very rich...
feb 26
The logical endgame of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is, of course, Schrodinger’s Butter. You cannot know if it is or is not butter until you open the box. Uber but the driver shows up in a...
feb 25
The optimal name for a punk band is “Shrektal Thermometer”. We haven’t had a mash-up of CITIZEN KANE and A CHRISTMAS CAROL yet. A Scottish cake boss may well have to make the bagpipes with ...
feb 24
Step One: start a business. Step Two: create a mascot called Murray Little. Step Three: frame all your holiday ads around the slogan “have yourself a Murray Little Christmas! Step Four: ??? Ste...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
