Entries 1,227
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Chill day.
We stayed home and just ate food. Daughter took about a 4 hour nap. I didn’t really nap but enjoyed the peace and quiet. I’ve cleaned up the house so I don’t wake up to a mess in the morning. I ...
I am still going.
Okay so up until last weekend, my daughter and niece didn’t see each other in about 2 months, again. I went over there and broke the news that we are moving. My brother thinks that I should just ...
Preliminary cleaning.
I decided to go through the cupboards in the kitchen and clean them out. I want to start the cleaning/organizing phase of potentially moving. I’ve made calls today and have to call again tomorrow...
Job.
School started 2 hours late today and my daughter didn’t want to go. She woke up later than usual and said she didn’t feel good and had a headache. Once she had breakfast and got dressed, she wan...
Blocked.
Anyways, so while I was on the phone with my friend last night I decided to unblock him where I discover he had blocked me! I also noticed his Mother has me blocked as well. I don’t know how to f...
More thoughts.
It’s just so cold today and we’ve just hung out inside staying warm. I’ve cleaned and organized some stuff and now my daughter is laying down with her phone and just relaxing. I’ll be surprised i...
The weekend.
It was a pretty decent weekend. We hung out for my nieces birthday on Saturday and then hung out yesterday for awhile. Got groceries at Walmart and then the kids came home with me so I could put ...
Yeah, no.
I’ve done a lot of thinking since last night and realize that since I’d be packing/loading and unpacking by myself then I plan to just stay or find a place here. My friend is already setting the ...
Potentially moving.
I’ve been wanting to move for the better part of 10 years. I have a friend that’s about 5 hours away in a city I’ve been wanting to live in for years and I’ve started to process to go. I’ve gotte...
Weather.
It’s really cold, windy, and snowy today. My daughter is at school so I’m just sitting here. I need to get some stuff from the store but I’m just not really into braving the cold and snow. We’ll ...
I hate my Mother.
Alright so....yesterday I showered and went to use my frizz spray and discovered whatever was in the bottle was water. So I check the other bottled stuff that was up in my medicine chest in my ba...
Kindergarten and parent teacher conference.
So we had our conference today over the phone and I’m happy to report that my daughter is doing absolutely amazing in school! She knows all of her letters, most of her vowels and can write her na...
I hate mooches!
Alright so my Mom has been home probably around 3 weeks at this point. She’s still into the bullshit where my Dad goes everywhere with her and drives her car. This irritates me quite a bit becaus...
Not feeling good.
My daughter woke up and puked about midnight last night. There was throw up all over the wall, the bed sheets, pillows, her clothes, her face, the floor…it was absolutely brutal. She had a couple...
Date.
So, I had a date Friday night. We started talking on Monday and then Thursday night we talked on the phone for about 3 hours. We met up in a parking lot and he bought us KFC. He came over and che...
Money.
Anyways, after the other day when my Mom told me that I would be getting someone in the mail from the IRS, I’m wondering if there’s going to be a fight regarding my taxes. Even though they are fu...
Constant chaos.
So there’s a filthy website my sperm donor frequents and I was made aware of a post he made yesterday regarding me. He was saying how I’m on there talking to people about him and keeping tabs and...
I just want to move.
I have always wanted to move away from my hometown as this place just doesn’t serve me anymore. I’m tired of having anxiety everywhere I go because I’m always worried about running into someone t...
Couple things.
My Mom decided to finally go home after about 6 weeks of living with her little boyfriend. I told her the day she went home that my boundaries with my daughter are going to stay firm and I don’t ...
People are too negative!
So I have a friend that I’ve known for almost 20 years. She’s been pretty involved in my life for years, even though she’s moved 20 hours away. I am really irritated at how negative she can be ab...
My problems just get worse.
I needed my Mother to come help me yesterday and even though I told her all week, she managed to still get out of it and then not understand when I finally run out of patience and understanding. ...
Christmas Eve.
It’s just another day. I am honestly so tired of never having family for the holidays. My daughter keeps asking if we are going anywhere and I don’t know. I never hear from anyone. I let her open...
Depleted.
So I signed up to pick up toys and a food box for this morning. I of course have to take my daughter with me because there’s no babysitter. We waited in line for almost 2 hours until it’s our tur...
Doing okay.
I’ve reconciled with my Mom and she was here over the weekend. I went to my parents house yesterday and talked to my Dad and tried to tell him that my Mom is still very angry that he never worked...
Pretty sure I hate my family.
My older brother has always had an issue with my Mom watching my kid and has made that known for quite some time now. Over the weekend, my Mom watched both kids meaning his too and left my house ...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.
