Experiment failed. Extreme mania was triggered. I was clenching my jaw so hard for several days that it still hurts after not taking any Adderall for 3 days, like I got punched on both sides of my face. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t functioning.
The first day of mania wasn’t SO bad, but it wasn’t fun, either. After about 3 days I knew there was no way I could continue like that without ending up in a psych ward, so… yeah. And it was election day. There was no way I was going through that while in extreme mania. Not healthy at all. So, I didn’t take it that morning, and I had a great day with little stress or worry.
Lesson learned, I guess. Can’t treat ADHD without having the bipolar under control, and the bipolar is very much not under control. Never has been, really. So, next steps are… nothing. It would take me months to get into a new therapist and months with that new therapist before they would refer me to a psychiatrist for meds, and I just don’t have months to devote to all that right now. Maybe once I move to Chicago.
I’ve gone untreated for various mental illnesses for the vast majority of my almost-43 years. I’ve survived because that’s what I do and that’s what I’m going to keep doing. I’m good at that.