Rapid Cycling in Mental Health

One minute my anxiety is through the roof and my leg is bouncing and I can’t sit still.

The next, I’m sobbing and my body feels like a blob of pudding and I’m exhausted and can’t move.

Sometimes, in the transition, it’s the kind of manic depression that says, “Just give up. This is all too hard and no one should have to live like this, especially not for this long. It’s only getting worse, it’ll never get better, there’s no point.”

I just need a fucking mood stabilizer but my doctor won’t give me one so all I get is an antianxiety and and antidepressant and neither one is enough on its own.

I want a cigarette.