Entries 46
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Mind/wars
I need to try and find a way to mentally deal with the evil that goes on this world. I’m not very good at it. It’s affecting me, big-time. How do you guys do it? I need some advice. Normally ...
Just some thoughts on Luke and Jesse
I managed to fight off a panic-attack last night. It was brought on by my overthinking of the horrific murder situation of Jesse and Luke, and me trying to think of scenarios of how it could hav...
Depress and reject
I don’t know how tonight is going to go. I’ve booked for 16 but I think about 9 are coming. I have to count the ‘maybes’ as ‘no’s‘ on the invite list. But anyway, things have been bad, and goo...
Still kicking
I’m kind of almost at my wit’s end, it feels like sometimes. I’ve found I’m generally okay for the first few hours of a morning, and then I don’t know if it’s the humid weather or what, but I de...
Feelin' alright, spoke too soon
I’m writing so often because I want to document how weird this situation is. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Is this what people on hard drugs feel like all the damn time? Moreso the ...
Shake shake
Whoaaaa, last night wasn’t pleasant. Like holy-cow. I’m not sure what brought it on (besides the obvious trauma of the past week) but my anxiety was so severe and I was freaking out about how t...
And it's up and it's up and it's up and it's up
I saw my doctor this morning. Last night was a rough night, my God. The vertigo was quite intense and didn’t seem to be leaving me alone. I was watching Youtube videos on exercises to try and I...
I almost tainted
Mole is removed! Can’t believe I didn’t get that done years ago. I just about died when I saw the needle, and realised where it was going. Anyone had a needle in their taint before? I can now ...
Medical, not cosmetic
Oh getting old is fun, not. I did a bit of researching around and settled on a medical centre not too far away I guess. I caught a ferry there after work and gym. It was free as it was an ini...
Thanks
I should probably write again. That last entry was fucking tough but I’m glad I wrote it down. This diary really has been like my form of therapy since 2004 when I started writing on OpenDiary,...
Off myself
(this entry is a bit dark FYI) Today the mental health was beyond shocking. Easily the hardest day of 2021 for me so far. For some reason, my brain decided to want to tell me I was worthless, ...
Fixed up
I’m back from the dentist. Yesterday wasn’t even fucking mentioned. Probably a good thing, as I had my receipts and the appointment card ready to throw at them and yell, “WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ...
Ghost booking
I spent all day being anxious about my dentist appointment (as I always do) and went to gym early so I could try and calm myself down a little, and went to my appointment. There was a girl alrea...
92 not out
I touched on it briefly in the survey I did, but yeah my one surviving grandparent (dad’s mum) found out she has mouth cancer last week. She’s 92yo. I’m still stunned it’s mouth cancer of all t...
FFS
Australian media being censored on Facebook is actually the BEST thing that could have happened here. Lord knows the amount of crap I’ve seen on my feed over the years, let alone the amount of k...
Don't fucking stab me, crazy people
I’m actually really anxious today. And I hate this feeling. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but suddenly I am. I’m back at work tomorrow and the panic-buyer’s, or rather the idea of them, is ...
Of course (dream)
Last night, I fell asleep with all the lights on, in a singlet, laptop still open, three pillows behind me still propped up. I musta been exhausted. Annnd my subconscious decides to send me a dr...
Chemistry and connection rambling
Things have been really good. I mean, I guess they’d have to be given exactly how sick I was. It’s almost like life is balancing itself out and given me a week of highs to counteract the down-a...
A caged rabbit
So as you all know, the mental-health-train has derailed a little these past few days. It’s like three wheels are off the track and one is still on it. So anyway, that’s how fun I am lately lol...
I'm unique
The damn painter is at the house again when all I want to do is immerse myself in some Stan or Netflix to take my thoughts away from the world. And he’s spray painting so the machine or whatever...
Today was a scary day
Oh fuck, today scared me. I haven’t had a mentally scarring day like this in some time, and I’m thankful. I’m currently writing this at the gym on the cycle. I did my warm-up on the row as usua...
A dark entry
It’s never good news when someone passes away, but it’s a horrible feeling when so many people on Facebook are all posting vague ‘I can’t believe it…‘ and ‘Rest In Peace’ messages as their status...
So is our happiness
So, this was pretty awesome, and sad.
Frowny face
Tonight has not been a good night at all for me mentally. I wrote the previous entry at the gym whilse doing my cardio on the bike (c’mon 5 kilo, make like Copperfield and disappear!) and stupid...
Knife dream
Dreams are so weird. I had a dream last night where I was pulling long sharp kitchen-knives out of my mouth/throat. Black handles, big thick blades, like a chef’s knife. They each had a little...
