Just some thoughts on Luke and Jesse in Vulnerability

I managed to fight off a panic-attack last night. It was brought on by my overthinking of the horrific murder situation of Jesse and Luke, and me trying to think of scenarios of how it could have happened. Like I know the ex was a trained police officer, but I can’t help but think how he could shoot both of them. I don’t know, I wasn’t there.

There are a lot of connections to Luke at work. I brought the papers in from the back dock, as I do every Saturday (although today was my last Saturday) and there they were, Luke and Jesse, on the front page of ‘The Australian”. I thought to myself, “Congrats boys, you’re front page news. You’ve made it.” Ergh.
I found out today that a few of my workmates worked with Luke, when he was a manager at the company I work for. I didn’t realize he worked at a store nearby mine. I only knew he worked there as I saw his LinkedIn once upon a time. But yeah, both my ASM and another chick in my department worked with him.
Not only that, my ASM came up to me shortly after we were chatting about the horrid news, and told me that my store manager used to DATE Luke, for six years! Holy shit, that was a surprise to find out. Apparently the ASM had offered to stay at our store instead of going to Buderim this week, but our store manager said it was fine. Man, I don’t know how long ago they dated, but Jesus Christ, I doubt this could not affect him.
And the worst thing is, my ASM told me not to tell anyone. I suppose he told me because I knew Luke, somewhat. But he told me not to tell one of my workmates, as she would gossip and the whole store would know lol. But geez, it was a hard topic to avoid today between them being front-page news, and (at least) two of my workmates having worked with him. I wish I had worked with him, maybe I would have known him better.

The bodies are still yet to be found. It reminds me of another horrid tragedy where the partner of a guy in Sydney murdered him (quite a few years ago now I think), and he also dumped the body and never told police where the body was. In the end, the family of the victim offered the asshole immunity from prosecution (I think there’s another term for it here, but I can’t remember it right now) in exchange for him to reveal where he’d dumped the body.
I feel this asshole may be trying to do the same thing.

I’ve been chatting again to this guy who I haven’t chatted with in a few months. We are bonding over our rememberance of Luke. He can’t even eat, he is so upset. I had trouble sleeping last night, especially with the mini panic attack. I immediately sat up, went to grab some water, and stood outside on the balcony for a bit. It was another fucking hot night. This fucked weather isn’t letting up. So that didn’t help, although I’ve been using my air conditioner even though it’s not cleaned yet. God I hope that still happens on Tuesday and I don’t get cancelled on again.
Anyway, this guy was telling me he actually did the training for NSW Police and said it’s like a gang - they all only look out for each other - “when one goes down, they all go down.”
So that’s harrowing. Because this cunt was a cop who checked out a gun, murdered these two lovers, and then checked it back in, he may have some internal benefits.
My ASM at work finds it very unlikely that he won’t get put away for this, but hey, this shit happened before. I don’t think the guy who murdered his boyfriend is in jail because of the sweet deal he struck with his victims family in exchange for the location.
Apparently the police are looking at the movements of the white van that was hired, so the bodies could be anywhere within a 300+km area, from Newcastle to Cronulla. Only the blood-stained clothes were found in Cronulla. Neither of the boys yet.
Also on the news this morning, they pulled a body from Sydney Harbour, but apparently that was unrelated. Jesus, newsroom! Could you time your news bulletins better??

I was trying to think today why I’m so fucking upset about this. I came to the conclusion that I must be in shock. That, and the entire gay community is suffering. I finally watched a news bulletin on this tonight and Jesse’s best friend had recently told him, “I think I finally found the one,” (referring to Luke.) I audibly exclaimed, “AWWW!!!” and shed a tear.
I have that knowledge (for lack of a better word) about how nice Luke was/is. I have swapped my words as it is 99% positive that the guy is no longer with us, but like I was chatting with this guy about last night, he said he still has a 2% hope that they are holed-up in a basement somewhere. But geez, bloodied clothes, enough blood at the crime scene for a fatality, the ex handing himself in, and then, finally, him being charged with two counts of murder. I think that’s it.
I, like everyone else, will 100% accept this if and when the bodies show up. Me and this guy were talking about how they should bring back torture-confessions to make him give up where they are. He drove the van to Newcastle to get it “cleaned”. So the current crime scene is in a nearby park in Newcastle where that van had been parked for 4 hours. Apparently one of his friends lives in Newcastle. Why aren’t they hitting her up?

The guy actually looks like a psycho. Just his eyes say that to me. How the fuck was someone who stalked celebrities for a living given a green-pass into the NSW police force? And was then investigated for tasering an Aboriginal man at close range (he was let off). This guy was allowed access to God-damn weapons and is clearly fucked in the head.
I showed the front page of the newspaper to my ASM today and he said, “he actually looks like someone who would just snap.”
“Yep!” I agreed.
And snap he did.
Fucker.

Now the latest is no-one in the gay community wants the NSW police to march at Mardi Gras next weekend. Apparently they still will be. That might be worth walking down to watch. Will they be ‘boo’d?’ Will they get shit thrown at them? They won’t be able to arrest that many of us, they will be outnumbered. And the whole reason the Mardi Gras Parade exists is because of the public fighting back against the police. It’s always been an argument. But after this, geez, could get juicy.

I haven’t cancelled my trip yet. I’ve considered it, for sure. I’m scared from this horrid situation, Peeta has pissed me off (to the point I don’t even want to hang out with him when I’m there), I’m sort of chatting to Ryan again (which is interesting) and I got Covid last year and nearly died, plus I’m staying in the same hotel where it happened, so that’s a bit harrowing. A few of the parties are right near my hotel, so part of me kind of wants to go to those? But do I really want to get God-damn Covid again? Do I have any immunity against it nowadays? I deal with customers most days. Who even knows.
And Jesse and Luke were partying at a Mardi Gras party last Sunday at The Beresford, before it seems they were murdered a few hours (maybe) later. They liked to party and live their lives and were pretty inspitational, so I feel there’s something in that. To raise a drink to those two, as awkward as I would feel doing everything alone. I wish I knew how to make genuine friends like those two beautiful boys obviously did.