Entries 62
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What Seether and Amy Lee Said
What do you do when you realize a very fundamental part of you is broken and probably can’t be fixed? It’s not that I don’t feel worthy of love, but that I can’t believe someone would love me th...
The Pain of Losing What Could Not Come to Pass
Anyone else have that moment where you realize that some fundamental aspect that makes you you also makes it so you will never find love (again)? How did you deal with it? It’s sometimes an odd...
Wish I Didn't Miss
One of my favorite film lines of all time comes from the first Men In Black. It’s when J finds K watching the girl from afar, the one he was meant to go on a date the fateful night he came upon ...
Black Mirror
I’m in the middle of watching Black Mirror again and I think the surest sign that I’m not in the middle of a dystopian nightmare is that the folks in this show have gotten laid more in the whole ...
Ready Player One
To paraphrase, I never felt comfortable in the real world. I’ve never really understood how to connect with people the way I do online. The world is a scary, ugly place. But the real world is ...
Legacy
The biggest lesson I learned and learn from my ex is that, no matter what good you do, in today’s world, it is your mistakes that will be remembered. In my case, my mistakes as an adult have nul...
Stupid
I wish I was dumb enough to be happy. To believe that the world has something and someone for me. To believe that not everything I have done in my adult life has been a mistake. To believe tha...
Convinience
You ever feel like a convinience? Not something that people need or want around but it is convenient to have around. I feel like that alot. I don’t have the personality of someone people want ...
Dreams
It is a very odd thing when you realized you asked permission to get laid in your own dream. Not sure exactly how much good or bad that says about me as a person.
Cursed
I swear I feel like a curse on everyone and everything around me. Every time things start to go a little right, they go a lot wrong. Been at my ex’s house for the last month and a half taking c...
Typical Idiocy
Ever just wish you could learn how not to fall in love with people? Attraction I can deal with. I wish I could learn to avoid falling for a person though. Mostly because I know I will never sa...
What Does It Say...
That I consider myself probably the most skilled person I know at knowing exactly who I am and am completely honest about myself with myself and yet I never am able to see myself as more that a s...
Purpose
I know I bitch alot when I am here. I don’t mean to. When I was a teen, when depression began to truly take hold, I still had an overwhelming sense of purpose, as if there was something in my l...
Realization
That moment you see with utter finality that when the chips are down, you will ultimately always come up short.
September
If the human spirit is supposed to be capable of boundless miracles of endurance, then somebody forgot to send my factory recall notice.
Waking Up
I have really tried not to bitch about my personal life. After all, it’s not like it’s that bad. I mostly have my health, just a bit overweight. I have a job. I have people around me that car...
8/22/14
Tonight has reminded me that some people are just meant to finish last. And because of my faults, and my strengths, I am one of those people.
8/17/14
Question: Is it the case that something has gone wrong in your life or that something has gone wrong in your head when you start sympathizing and agreeing with the machines in "The Matrix"?
Addendum To "...Death Of An Icon..."
So it was revealed by Robin Williams' wife today that he had just recently learned that he was in the early stages of Parkinson's. With a family history of heart disease, cancer, and Alzheimer...
8/12/14
Odd as it may sound, sometimes I think my life would be better if I hadn't been so good at staying out of trouble.
A Brief Update
Ended up having to replace the battery after all. Still, I will never underestimate how good it feels to have a car start and not sound like shit again. Or air conditioning. That shit is gre...
Loneliness
Ya know, being alone would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't around people every day. It really is better to never know what you're missing.
7/27/14
I've got hemorrhoids, my car is a piece of crap, and I would gladly trade my life with that of a homeless person. Where did everything go so wrong?
Update to "Dream Police"
A small update. One thing I know is I have dreamed pretty much every night since I wrote that entry and none of them have been particularly pleasant. The upside is that I can't remember any of ...
Wine-ing
Just saw an ad on FB for a wine called Monogamous and thought, "Monogamous-Because it is easier for people to be loyal to a brand of wine than their significant others."
