#TMIFiles: Talking it Out in These Foolish Things

Ever since my brain injury in 2019 I have made it a point to call my parents every evening. At first it was because I was afraid I was going to have a stroke and die in my sleep those first few weeks when I was recovering alone, and then it was because we got into the habit and I enjoyed the check-in, and then it was because of covid and making sure my parents were doing okay and now it’s because of my cancer and treatment. It’s always something, isn’t it? But we have talked every single evening with only a few exceptions since April of 2019 and I’m so happy we do. We’ve never been closer, and even though we sometimes don’t even say much, it’s enough…for the most part.

For a while recently, my mom hasn’t really had much to say and it made me think that she was in major avoidance mode because she didn’t ever bring up what’s going on with me (read: the c-word) and she kept wanting to get off the phone pretty quickly, saying she doesn’t have any news to tell me. Sometimes she’d hand the phone to my dad and make him talk to me and sometimes we’d just quickly get off the phone. I’ve said before that I felt like she was in denial of what’s going on with me. Maybe she just didn’t want to hear about it? Maybe it scared her or she thought I’d break down?

I don’t know!

At any rate, last night she wanted to talk and talk about it, asking me all kinds of questions and telling me that we should have a celebration when I hit the halfway point of my chemo treatment. I don’t know if she thought about it or maybe had some conversations with friends, but it was like I was speaking to a whole new person. She and I both had so much to say that we were almost talking over each other! It made me really happy in a weird way that she wanted to talk about my treatment and the move and what dad was doing and what was going on with her…it just made my evening that she was so engaged in our conversation.

Just thought I’d put that down. Who knows how long it will last or what it all means, but it’s nice to know that mom is actively participating again. Not that I thought she wasn’t, but I know how hard this is to even think about, let alone talk about it all the time. I certainly don’t want to talk about it all the time. It’s just the thought of celebrating the halfway mark of treatment makes me feel really, really good.

It’s lunchtime here in the office and I was called into a zoom meeting at the last minute. I suppose it’s okay because I normally go for a nice, long walk during lunchtime and it’s pishing rain right now!

four and a half hours later…

I’ve barely moved from my desk - so many zooms and so much thunderstorm!! I am fried for the day. I will post this and then get ready to go home when I see the storm has passed.

Love and health,
GS