Real shit. What is my life? in 2017
- Oct. 21, 2017, 6:51 p.m.
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- Public
I need it. To vent. To complain. To release.
Nothing to vent on right now. Just some thoughts.
I don’t know if I’ve said this hear yet or not, I figure I haven’t tho considering how I feel about it.
Here goes
Not that into photography anymore. Ok that’s a lie, I’m very much into it, who isn’t? I’m just not sure if I wanna keep doing it. I know it seems stupid and maybe it’s just because of the place I’m in right now in life… but it’s just not something I’m super passionate about anymore
When I book sessions now, I get bummed out. Maybe it’s becuse I’d much rather stay home and hang out with Chris and the kids or maybe I’m just over it. I make a killing at it guys, seems retarded to want out but maybe even just a little break?
The other day while I was working at Tim Hortons, I knew u had a fall session lined up for me after work, and it legit ruined my day. I kept thinking about it and wonder how I could cancel it or somehow make it rain so that I wouldn’t have to go. And it’s not like I’m no good at it and have any reason to have this anxiety prior, so it’s weird.
I am always ok while doing the session and always pleased with the outcome. So what gives??? Why am I feeling this way? I can’t figure it out.
But when I think of getting a new camera I get excited? Or when I see something beautiful I get my phone out for a photo… it’s still something I love but also something I dread. I honestly need opinions and maybe some advice because those of you who’ve followed me since opendiary, know that I’ve strived to be where I am right now. Which is at a place where I legit don’t have to push for clients, I sit back and let them come to me. This photography dream of mine has come true and now I don’t want it.
What the fuck is up with that?
Kristen<3
JustSurviveSomehow ⋅ October 21, 2017
I think it is very difficult to find a balance when you make a hobby into a career. Eventually, you are going to associate this activity with losing time with your family, being overwhelmed/underappreciated, etc. It is no longer something that you do in your spare time because you enjoy it. It has become a chore. Maybe a little break would be helpful?
Total side note, but have you heard that they are doing a trial run with Open Diary right now? If it works out, they are going to be bring it back, but it will be a subscription site. If you had a change in email address, they will still be able to track your diary down (supposedly). I am SO excited for this!
Mrs.Kristen.Canon JustSurviveSomehow ⋅ October 21, 2017
Absolutely. My once fun/hobby/passion, is now my source of income and necessary... sort of... know what I mean? Its like I've gone and taken all the fun out of it and turned it into a chore. Those words about associating feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated are spot on. Thank you for the note!! <3
Mrs.Kristen.Canon JustSurviveSomehow ⋅ October 21, 2017
OH and omg OD Could you imagine??? I hope it turns out. Not sure, would we all move back over there or would we do both or just get our diaries back or what?? lol
JustSurviveSomehow Mrs.Kristen.Canon ⋅ October 22, 2017
I'm not sure. I lost contact with a lot of people when we came over here. All these years later, you are on the only person that I still follow from OD. And for a while there, I thought you were gone forever too! I haven't really written anything since I came over here, maybe a dozen entries in the last almost 4 years. I just couldn't get into it like I did with OD. I would probably go back and see if I could start another large network of friends like I had before.
JustSurviveSomehow Mrs.Kristen.Canon ⋅ October 28, 2017
Kristen, how was Linkin Park and Friends? I watched bits and pieces of it on Youtube.
Hotaru ⋅ October 21, 2017
I think this is a common thing. Hubby is always pushing me to sell the blankets I crochet or the cross stitches that I make. I'm afraid to do it though because I'n afraid it will become a chore and I'll lose the joy it gives me. I'd much rather do it as a hobby and gift my friends and family with the finished results.
Maybe you are in that place with photography. Doing sessions has become more of a chore than the hobby that you love so much and are so passionate about. Maybe a short break from paying clients would help you rekindle your passion for it.
Mrs.Kristen.Canon Hotaru ⋅ October 21, 2017
Everyone seems to have the same response and I think you're all totally right. Its turned into a chore/job and now its not exactly "fun" for me which means I've lost the passion I once had. I do need a break :(
Mr. Mofo ⋅ October 21, 2017
I sit down next to you, I make it a point to show off my shiny and new, big red clown shoes. "If it means anything to you miss, I still haven't found something I love. Take some time off, enjoy your family, and MAYBE you go back to photogin. Maybe not, who knows".
Mrs.Kristen.Canon Mr. Mofo ⋅ October 21, 2017
:) You're right, I need a break from it. Thanks for the note, and for still being around. <3
Sagittarienne ⋅ October 21, 2017
You have striven to be where you are in your career so you dont have to hunt down clients. One of the perks of being self-employed and doing well is that you can afford to take a small sabbatical . It might be just the thing you need to reset your gears.
Either way, you dont necessarily need to commit to photog for-ev-er. Just worry about today. And if today you are feeling like you need a break...take one! :)
Mrs.Kristen.Canon Sagittarienne ⋅ October 21, 2017
Thanks for the note <3 Its true though, I don't need to do this forever, and I also don't need to take a forever break :)