One Angry Dwarf ⋅ 118

I AM AN ETERNAL MONSTER OF LIGHT

"i can't think of anything but butt jokes"

dude who can't think of anything but butt jokes

Entries 112

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A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? “(Trudy)! Is this still your number? It’s Jess (Lastname)! I heard you might be coming back?!” B) What does the last text you received say? A...


TOOK THE FIRST SLIGHTLY HIGHER DOSE OF THE THING I’VE BEEN ON FOR A MONTH AND SPENT THE LAST 5 HOURS STRAIGHT DOING MY LEAST FAVORITE TASK AT WORK. I always wind up spending 5 hours straight doin...


Holy shit y’all, what a FUCKING WEEK. Wednesday Hung out with Zardoz and GF. Back to planning our meetup group. But uh oops I stayed up till 3 AM and almost died the next day. Thursday Hung out ...


NEXT ENTRY WILL BE PICS-HEAVY OF PORTLAND COS IT WAS A RAD AS FUCK TIME AND MY BOSS’S FACE MAKES A SHOCKINGLY FREQUENT APPEARANCE BUT FOR NOW WE’RE DOING A HIGH-LEVEL OVERVIEW MY DUDES. Portland...


MUCH MORE IMPORTANT UPDATE: I HAVE A PHONE INTERVIEW FOR THAT ONE JOB THAT’S BEEN GIVING ME THE RUNAROUND FOR MONTHS. IT’S SCHEDULED FOR THURSDAY 10:30AM. THANK GOD I NOTICED THIS IS 10:30AM FUCK...


DAMN Y’ALL WHAT A KILLER WEEKEND. I love not having Friday plans, because then I can just GO HOME to my FUCKING BED, so I did and it was glorious. Then I got so much shit DONE on Saturday. I clea...


HI EVERYONE. I DEFINITELY STRESSED TOO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT THE HH. 5 PEOPLE INCLUDING MYSELF SHOWED UP. HAHAHAHAH sometimes I forget what a turd Seattle is and how I will never EVER have too many ...


GUYS MY BACK THO. It’s honestly not bad. But sitting in chairs or even on my bed with pillows behind me seems to make it signif worse than standing. I did a bunch of food prep last night and was ...


HI EVERYONE. I HAVE FOUND ZERO BED BUGS. I ALSO HURT MY BACK EVEN MORE LAST NIGHT BUT IT’S FINE, I’M FINE. I also found some vodka in my freezer and drank it because FUCK THE WORLD BURN IT DOWN. ...


OH HI GUYS. THINGS HAPPENED. Saturday WENT TO THE PUB CRAWL DRESSED AS A GOTH. I AM SUCH A HOT GOTH, Y’ALL. NOT TO GO ALL BUFFALO BILL ON YOU BUT I WOULD DEFINITELY TAKE A BLOOD OATH WITH ME. O...


CW: KETO SHIT. If anyone who DOESN’T want to read keto shit interested in seeing pics of me dressed as a goth tho, let me know and I’ll post it in a separate entry. . . . . . . . . . . Holy SHIT ...


OH HI EVERYONE. Yesterday Big Brother asked if we could push our 1:1 off to later in the day. It was already at like 3:30 so I’m like “how late…?” and he whispers “Bernard’s” which is the name of...


HI FOLKS. GOT A LITTLE SLIZZY SAYING GOODBYE TO BEER LAST NIGHT. INSTALLED A TOILET SEAT WHILE HALF IN THE BAG AND A T SHIRT TIED ON MY HEAD FOR #CURLYHAIRREASONS AND I DEFINITELY DIDN’T LOOK INS...


HELLO EVERYONE. FRIDAY I GOT VERY DRUNK. LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT. HA HA. Saturday I lied in bed reading a book series all day. I have been compared to the main character by multiple people. S...


I AM GOING ON STIMULANTS SOON. BECAUSE STRATTERA DID FUCKALL. I mean, not entirely fuckall, MAYBE, but honestly I just don’t know how to fucking tell, man. Like, am I slightly better now because ...


I feel like I should clarify that my SIL is not a turd human for her comment about therapy. Like… she’s been to therapy and knows she needs to go back soon due to some recent trauma and is defini...


I AM VERY HUNGOVER. WINE TASTING FOLLOWED BY ME DRINKING MORE. WHY DOES LP NEVER CUT ME OFF WHEN I ASK HIM TO. “YOU’RE AN ADULT,” HE SAYS. INCORRECT. YOU, HOWEVER, ARE IN FACT A BARTENDER. IT IS ...


You can tell that song lyric is a few years old because we’re up to 7.5 billo these days. Christ I haven’t responded to hardly any of your wonderful comments. I WILL SOON BUT INSTEAD OF DOING THA...


THANKS YOU GUYS. THANKS SO MUCH. <333333 It’s gonna be a rough few weeks while I adjust to Carolyn being gone so ALL THE SUPPORT MAKES THINGS EASIER, Y’ALL. I’m mostly over it at this point. ...


October 03, 2018

bye forever in Public

Just a quick… thing. So my bro is moving to Minneapolis. Friday morning. Last time we saw each other, he was like “hey we’ve never been high together let’s get high together on Wednesday!!!!!” I ...


UGH I SERIOUSLY SHOULD BE WORKING BUT I ALSO WANNA WRITE ABOUT MY DATE BECAUSE I SAID I WOOOOOOOOOULD. THE STRUGGLE IS FUCKING REAL. K so we were supposed to meet up at like… between 10 and 11. G...


October 01, 2018

Real quick in Public

Got a lot to do today (I am working from home due to the hangover of the fucking century) but I BANGED SOAP OPERA DOCTOR YESTERDAY IT WAS GREAT K I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT LATER BYE


Having hard convos is WORKING THE FUCK OUT FOR JESS THIS WEEK. My bro came over to drop off their air conditioner. Hooray! I’ma give it to LP since his apartment is 85034750373 times hotter than ...


GUYS, I HAD THE FUCKING TALK WITH LP. I’ve been making a shit-ton of excuses not to do it and I realized at some point… Like, if I’m even POSSIBLY gonna fuck a new person THIS WEEKEND, it’ll be r...


WHAT A FUCKING DAY. I have eaten nothing but brownies and muffins because those were the snacks I bought for the voter registration drive I did. Which was in general kind of a stupid idea since I...


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