Miss Chiffs Manager (One) ⋅ 38 ⋅
Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
The ending is written into the beginning
Entries 706
Page 20 of 29
Bitcoin & Berries in Journal
Did I mention we’re rich now? Haha. It still feels surreal. We have downgraded our status; moved to a cheaper place, less stuff, less overhead, less to do. No AC. Overall, I like it. We go to th...
The Anthropology of, is an absolutely fascinating read. A bit difficult in that abhorrent crimes against humanity are reported as dry statistics. But also jaw dropping in scope. I guess it brings...
Sensing Feeling in Dreams
DH and I were exploring/cleaning out a new house. The thing seemed endless, and when it came to be night, we put our son to sleep in an adjacent room and kept working awhile before retiring. In t...
Talking with DH yesterday, he divulged to me that his dad had called him Evil. I was, of course, shocked and appalled and reacted rather strongly to this news. According to DH, the exact words w...
Quote in A Childhood Lost
From Thou Shalt Not Be Aware by Alice Miller. Emphasis my own. …In therapy, my colleague’s four-year-old patient immediately assumed the active role of the aggressor as a way of describing to her...
You Can't Run Away in Journal
from your problems. To anyone who says this, I reply with congeniality, Fuck You. And I mean that sincerely. The very first thing that I consider when someone says this is, how is that working ...
What is So Wrong in Journal
with creating meaning and purpose from our children? I have been thinking about this since yesterday, when I revealed to semi-acquaintance at Judo that I wanted more kids. Another Judoka said so...
Melancholy in A Childhood Lost
I love to write. I love writing writing writing writing. The pen on paper gliding so smoooothly, leaving perfectly orchestrated lines of print behind, the meaning of which can forever be seen by ...
Last week, I saw my therapist and we spoke about what I want, why. I was concerned that what I wanted would be an immoral proposition- at least for my son. But, after 2 long years of therapy and ...
I wanted to in Journal
take a nap, but I kept imagining that my son was crying. After checking on him twice (nothing- he’s sound asleep) I imagined falling down the stairs over and over. Sometimes I wonder where these...
On a thought, a realization. I remember the moment that I realized that my mom was never going to be capable of seeing me as a person. That moment when she screamed at me that I had no feelings....
Shouldn't I in Journal
be angry? After all that… over a year ago we agreed. Over six months ago we implemented. And, DH has been resistant and defensive the whole time. We agreed that he works too much. We agreed that...
Why do I do this in Journal
to myself? I must believe, at some level, that I deserve to be subjected to sadistic, controlling, mean, angry, abusive men. My behavior is the evidence. We can choose to do bad things, but we ...
I get annoyed when I make a case, and he continues on as if i never said anything. And i say… look. You can either respond to what i just said or disagree. But don’t pretend that I didn’t say an...
It's not mine in Journal
Not my decision. It’s not my decision to make. I had the thought. And then, like I was slipping into a warm bath, my body began to relax. It’s true, I realized. It’s not my decision. I feel fr...
Feeling kind of in Journal
Sick. I feel like my life is being narrated by Lloyd deMauss’s historical psychology texts. Virtue is knowledge plus courage Well. Ill tell you what. It sure takes courage to dig up some of this...
Perhaps the Connection in Journal
was not as straight forward in my earlier post as I would have liked. I do try to simplify and take things step by step. That one was a leap. But, I don’t feel like redoing it. My mom’s most rece...
The State as Family in Journal
I don’t think that it is any coincidence that we have the gov’t and the leaders that we have, considering the state of parenting and the family. If we accept the copious evidence that the vast m...
Reflections in Journal
What do you do when your needs are met? What kind of pursuits would you have if you didn’t need anything at all? I think that I am beginning to see the glimmers of an answer in my son. His answ...
I’ve read a lot about emotional intelligence, nonviolent communication, human needs in communication, psychology, therapy, virtue, philosophy, and secular ethics. People need acknowledgement- be...
I Admit in A Childhood Lost
I do keep checking the Spam folder to see if my mom emailed me again. I don’t even recall what day it was, if it was still March or early April, that I saw that mom had emailed again and I just ...
People Get Angry in Journal
when I start asking questions about their relationships. People who get angry at questions about themselves are terrified. They know that they are not worth loving if the definition of love is ...
Of Course you were perfect. Of course you were born with the ability to love, and be loved. Of course you are naturally compassionate, kind, empirical and reciprocal. Of course you are not innat...
Life is Funny in Journal
DH has been resisting my insistence on doing therapy. He can’t seem to criticize anyone except himself. He doesn’t see the benefit in doing therapy or putting in the work. Trying to feel his feel...
Do you have a BTC Buddy? in Journal
Something that was brought up in my group of frankly stone geniuses, was that no matter how dedicated you are to your plan, if you don’t have a buddy, you’re going to be far more swayed by the em...
