7:20 AM
Usually I am not up this early, but last night I had some trouble. So to start, it is freezing in here and it is always freezing in here. I am sensitive to the elements, in summer I get extremely hot and in the fall/winter/spring I get extremely cold. So I went to bed between midnight and 1 AM and woke up off and on, had trouble falling asleep despite taking Melatonin and a sleeping pill (can’t give them up, real addiction here…) Instead of watching TV and going to sleep I just tried to fall asleep, I have been excited because I am getting committed to losing weight and I plan on joining a gym and going everyday. That is all I could think about going to sleep.
I had not dreamed this night, and I woke up very cold despite being under several heavy blankets and also for some reason I had the hiccups, almost to the point of getting sick actually, they wouldn’t stop. So I got up and from then until now I have been doing various things, I watched a world war 2 documentary, I finished watching Death Note again, and I played some world of tanks for a while. I decided to get on and write because I have nothing else to do. So I have recently purchased some type of diet pill that is suppose to work, I have cut back on my eating (at least I have tried too, I may have gorged a little last night....) and I also got some B vitamins that help with metabolism . I have this form that will get me 1 free day pass at a gym and I plan on looking at memberships. I plan to go everyday and use the treadmill or workout bike and eventually building on from there. I feel really inspired and I also really want to invest my time and resources into this.
Anyway on being sick, I sort of alternate between warm and cold, I feel like I am sweating sometimes, and I have this cough that I can feel pretty good in my chest, it is a deep cough so I know I am getting my winter cold. I did get a flu shot but it may not have been in time so.... I have also been devoting more time for God by expanding my list of prayers said at bed time, I feel if I truly have an angelic soul (I sometimes get periods of doubt but with everything in my heart I want to believe I do) that I must get closer to god, I do not plan to go to church or anything like that, I still feel myself a Deist with bits of Christianity in there because my mother is Catholic and I picked up pieces here and there.
I saw a lot of outrage from the christian side about Starbucks festive hollidays cups and it absolutely disgusts me, I am religious however the way these people act is so repulsive it is what pushed me away from religion to begin with, even a study has found that kids raised in a secular/atheist home have more manners and are all around better people then kids raised in religious homes. It doesn’t surprise me considering the very vocal christian theocrats who want to deny us gays rights, complain about what is on the side of a damn coffee cup that ends up in the trash anyway, its not like anyone puts it on their mantle and worships it every day! And are all around just mean bigots. The whole Christian right which has now infested the republican party and made it more vile I.E Ben Carson. And if it is not the Christians ruining the Republican Party it is the Neocons(Reality American Exceptionalist Fascists)… Now my rant is just spewing all over the right… The only Republican Candidate I even want to see at all is Rand Paul, he is the only sensible republican running however you can only polish a turd so much.. I guess I let everything out this time, I feel a little bit better now.
By the way, I have come up with something that truly describes me when I am angry.. Tornado Your anger is a raging tornado! When you get mad, there is always a sort of calm before the storm.. The air gets warm and you are quiet, and then out of nowhere your spinning vortex of rage descends upon everyone around you and destroys everything in its path! Luckily when you start to calm down, the sun comes out brighter than ever and you easily forgive whatever put you off to begin with!
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