Entries 67

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I went no contact with my parents and my brother 7 years ago. I never withheld contact to my kids once my kids were old enough to have their own phones (about 5 years ago for Blair and this year ...

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Well, some things have happened. Storey hasn’t really been going to school. Their anxiety has been getting bad and self harm continued at a steady but mostly superficial pace until early March. S...

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I don’t know what Storey is fucking doing but it certainly isn’t going to bed and it certainly means she’ll be a cunt in the morning having stayed awake 36 straight hours at her fathers. Blair is...

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Well, today was interesting. As I was enjoying a delightful relaxing first bath since before I had my seizure at the beginning of April, I managed to flip my phone into the tub whilst picking up ...

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It’s my birthday today. Neither of the kids have even come out of their rooms to say hello, and it’s 5.30pm. They don’t make any effort for my special days. On Mothers day I cried because Storey ...

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Ian and I argued last night. We were watching a movie. He said something enormously triggering and I told him to fuck off. Then I said I think you need to leave. I was crying a lot and while watc...

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Someone asked me today what I do in my downtime, what is the thing I enjoy doing? Er… nothing. It’s been nothing for years. I crochet because it’s a habit, not a hobby. I don’t enjoy it or hate i...

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In a bit of a headspace. Storey is taking the broodiness of adolescence a bar above the sassiest Blair ever managed to get to. She’s been late to school daily for almost three weeks. Sometimes no...

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I always enjoyed walking at night. I stopped for a long time because night always came after the kids went to sleep and I couldn’t leave them alone when they were little. I took a walk just now, ...

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There was a moment in my addiction-plan-to-recover (that is, I had admitted I had a problem but I hadn’t stopped doing the thing) when I was perusing a meeting blog. Someone commented something a...

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I did it again. Neglected to blog despite needing to. Processing trauma is an interesting thing. It sort of just comes at you. I have said for a while that my mother (hence forth referred as Incu...

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On today’s episode of Should Have Stopped At One Kid: miss 12 kicked a hole in her sisters door because sister failed to suggest a new anime for her to watch, even though she did suggest an anime...

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Since Miss 12 laid claim to the ancient computer, the spare room has progressively turned into a festy dungeon which never sees light, or fresh air. Today she was giving me attitude when I opene...

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I had a friend until yesterday. Her daughter is the same age as my oldest, barely 14. A month ago when friend went away camping this girl threw a party at their house. The place was trashed, stuf...

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After several months I have remembered my login details. Yay. What’s happened since October?..... - I had another mental breakdown, it persists. -Incidentally happened to graduate my undergradua...

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Ian and I almost always shower together. I am always fooling around. Today I made him stay still while I lined my nipple up with his belly button. He usually smiles, giggles, and shakes his hea...

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Several weeks ago I had a tantrum at Ian about not being included in his life because he withholds his daughter from my daughters and I. While he is wholly in our family life and the decisions we...

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I found this on the laptop just now. It had not posted due to drunken me neglecting to include an entry title. I dunno. I’m drunk. So much for sobriety. So.. Egg Donor me is off being oblivious ...

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Actually not much is new. I really do need to just come on here and vomit my proverbial insides out more often because it’d probably be therapeutic I suppose. I’m still drinking. Although much m...

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Welfare Debt Update: My Appeal went to a third party who investigated the legislation and my personal circumstances in order to make a recommendation to the welfare department. Thankfully I had j...

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I’m done. Received a stack of legal documents today which has triggered a major depressive episode. You see, the Australian government welfare system will subsidise your income if you are studyin...

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I don’t know how long I’ve been sober now. I tried some wine about a week ago but it tasted like bitter anus so I guess that is a positive? Last week was spent in hospital thanks to lupus. Idiopa...

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It’s supposed to be day 11 sober. But I am on my third glass of wine tonight. I’m supposed to leave for work at 6am… Admittedly this is only my 2nd time drinking since I promised Ian to curb my b...

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It’s late. It’s so late that it’s early. I had a confession to Ian yesterday, I admitted my drinking is a problem, and I need to stop it and see my Dr about proper pain management. Then we both ...

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There’s a fair level of protein in my urine. Also bilirubin. These are not good things. I’m trying to stop drinking, because its gotten way out of hand. But I’ve just swapped one crutch for anot...

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