It’s late. It’s so late that it’s early.
I had a confession to Ian yesterday, I admitted my drinking is a problem, and I need to stop it and see my Dr about proper pain management.
Then we both cried and he held me and said he was so relieved because he’s been worried and unable to bring it up without me getting defensive.
So here I am on day two sober. The longest time without a drink since 2015, and then it was only because I had a kidney abscess and was hospitalised.
I know I had withdrawals while I was tapering, I’ve had night sweats for a long time and I wonder if they will stop now. Many newly sober forum posters say they crave sweet foods and junk, presumably to fill the new calorie deficit from not drinking. But I haven’t had any of that.
My only cravings are the need to hand-to-mouth in the evenings, but I’ve been having sugar free ginger ale instead.
And the pain is back, obviously.
My immune suppressant drugs have started damaging my eyes so I have had to taper them down as well, which won’t help the pain. It appears I now have arthritis in my hips and elbows and hands. Perhaps it’s time to see the specialist again? I wonder if he’ll put me on Naltrexone or I’ll have to just suffer through it like the tough old boot Ian says I am until I get much worse enough to validate the prescription.
It’s probably drinking that caused the hallucinations tbh. Fuck off, I know it was what caused them. Stop kidding yourself.
Insomnia is a thing. It was a thing that also contributed to the drinking. Last night I had valium to help me sleep. I’m not anxious or anything, I’m just not asleep.
SP
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