Relationship things. in General Things

Several weeks ago I had a tantrum at Ian about not being included in his life because he withholds his daughter from my daughters and I. While he is wholly in our family life and the decisions we make in the future. I said he is not behaving in his daughters best interests by continuing this little holiday weekend farce and needs to decide if he is in her life, we should all be in it.. and if he is out of her life.. then he needs to follow through on that, also. Because half and half is awkward and not fair.

So he decided to opt out unless the daughter asks to see him.
IMO that is giving too much responsibility to a 7 year old but that’s not my call.
Since then, I’m sort of in limbo because as far as my kids and I are concerned… nothing has changed re: our dynamic with Ian and his daughter because we didn’t see her to start with. So I don’t know how I feel about the future now.
Added, every time I speak to Ians sister, while she is on a bit of a man-hating rampage at present, she always asks if he was ever really going to visit his daughter at all. Perhaps he is so committed in the lie now its too late to turn back and confess.
Added again, several years ago I made a Waldorf doll for his daughter… and he said he gave it to her and never saw it again.
A year or so later I found it, unwrapped, in a bag in his room.
I calmly confronted him about it, asked why. I’m pretty calm about shit. I mean I figured there’s a reason. But if the reason really was “I don’t see my daughter” then I would have been sad but understanding. I always appreciate the truth even if the truth was a poor decision.
He said he was scared to give it to her in case her mother threw it away.

So now.. stuck in this “nothing has changed for us” despite it having changed for him..... and the constant “is he lying”. I’d rather be told “he IS lying” if the people know he is than be told “maybe he is and maybe you need to work it out…”

I guess that’s going to be the elephant in the room until I get a third person confirmation or something.. .

SP