Xanatos
Entries 252
Page 9 of 11
Replacements in 2015
I remember when Courtney made Lord of the Rings about Cliff. I don’t even remember how many diary entries I wrote lamenting that. Or all of the other things that were associated with us that sh...
First entry in a long time in 2015
I don’t know long this is going to be or what all it’s going to cover. This was just going to be another record keeping entry because I had a date on Monday and it went well-ish, and I tend to ...
Lest I forget, 2/11 is when it officially ended with Amber.
For the record in 2015
I finally took Amber’s picture out of my wallet. It’s been there, unmoved save for when I’d show her off, for four years. Put in the green and white fabric box on my dresser with pictures of oth...
Brief Update in 2015
So, things went amazingly well with Amber for a few days. A week later we had our second assignation. Less satisfying physically and mentally. A little over a week later we had our final. Sin...
Big News: More to Follow in 2015
Kinda sorta got back together with Amber last night. Details to follow.
Making it work in 2014
Simply put, a lot of human interaction comes down to a single question: Do we feel like making it work? If the answer is yes, then it will almost certainly work. If the answer is no, it will alm...
Amber has frequently complained that I don’t listen. She’s often criticized my inability to remember anything about what she tells me. I’ve often said that the difficulty is largely in how she ...
Amber says I’m bad at listening. I don’t remember the vast majority of what she tells me. I don’t remember names or places or things she’s said. I confess it, and, to that end, I’ve been worki...
What I've been up to in 2014
Gardening work finished in mid October, and since then I’ve been working selling beer growlers. It’s a pretty good job. Good hourly wage and way more in tips than anticipated. I like my boss a...
For the last few weeks, I find myself descending farther and farther down into my spiral. I was self indulgent in the lead up to Sherlock Holmes, and I got sick after. Well, that show closed a ...
Priorities in 2014
I told Amber, on July 1st, that she had until September 1st to make up her mind about me. I told her that for those two months, I would not enter into any other relationship and that she would b...
More of the same in 2014
I started Yoga on September 1st. As I said I would. It was a good feeling, and, I take it as a sign of good luck (just this once) that the month began on a Monday. It was rather nice to accompl...
What do we give up to keep on going? I suppose that’s a tough thing. It’s harder for some than for others. For the people I generally care about, it’s hard to give up on just about anything. M...
Scripted Conversations in 2014
I think that one reason why solitude tends to be good for me is that I don't end up saying the same things over and over. The older I get, the more I realize that our subjective (often wrong) pe...
Friends my own age in 2014
The last real friend I made in America before leaving for China was Amber. That was in the winter of '08. I left for China in '10, so you get the idea. Since returning, and in the course of my...
It's been just under two months since I wrote much of value here. Discounting the teaser earlier today. Even that wasn't much. It was more just an expression of a lot of feelings, but not a gr...
There's an emptiness that comes from Amber's final, definite, rejection "for now anyway." At the same time, it's wonderful and freeing.I wanted her. I wanted her as it's difficult to want a per...
A dream I had while in China and have neglected to post in 2014
As a note, the ending of the dream is a comment I made at the time of writing it down. It no longer applies. I do not know the exact date of this, but I would assume late March or April last. I...
Placeholder in 2014
There's not a great deal to report. There's a great deal to reflect on, but, at the moment, reflection is out of the question. Too tired, house is full of children, and an incredibly stressed m...
Long discussion in 2014
July first, something shocking happened. I talked to Amber. We talked a lot. I don't even remember how it started. I didn't sleep much that night. I've also been sick since. Stress. Simply...
Unsent E-mail in 2014
You say that I don't really care about you because you say that I don't understand you. You also say that we can be friends without being lovers. But these two positions don't add up. They can...
What is it about wine that is so conducive to writing? Who decided that, of all the alcohols, at the bottom of a glass of wine one would fine such inspiration? Perhaps because wine is at the he...
A working theory in 2014
I have a working theory for why I'm so down these days. Courtney seems to think it holds water. I'll record it here. I'm an extrovert. I love talking to people. I love dealing with people. I...
I dreamed, in that strange place between sleep and awake, that I got two letters. Both from Rachael. One I read the whole text of. It was rather practical. The second one was heavy and firm w...
