What I've been up to in 2014

Gardening work finished in mid October, and since then I’ve been working selling beer growlers. It’s a pretty good job. Good hourly wage and way more in tips than anticipated. I like my boss and co workers. It’s a good job, the kind that would have been nice in college or for a year or so after during the financial crisis.
I’ve put on weight since I’ve been there. Or, rather, since I’ve fallen off the wagon, so to speak. August through late October I plateaued, but, since then I’ve been trending upwards. At the moment, a lot of it is due to stomach problems (trying to wean myself off of one medicine, plus tons of stress and insomnia) and Penny visiting from China. Gotta take her to delicious American restaurants.
There are a few things that have really gotten my notice from work. Some Starlight related, some Amber related.
Regarding The Starlight, for the first time ever, I declined to do a Tom directed show which I technically could have done. I could have been in a show that I chose not to be in largely because The Starlight really isn’t making me happy anymore. Holmes was good, but the two other shows since I’ve back (where I acted) and one other (where I AD’d) were miserable experiences. I even turned down a decent part in a Tammy directed show, something that I never thought I’d do.
It’s odd that a place that has defined me for so long has so utterly slipped from me. Theater is a hobby again, but it’s a different kind of thing altogether. I’d be doing stuff exclusively at other theaters but for schedule conflicts. I’m just tired of being at that place. The feel is different, the people are gone, and things just aren’t what they were. I’d hoped to make myself into a kind of older mentor, tutoring some sweet young people into the ways of The Starlight, but, I found that I really have little to offer said young people, and neither, sadly, does the theater. Holmes was great, in its defense. I enjoyed being Sherlock, and the group really gelled like the old days, but we all went different ways. There are too many kids shows and too few chances to work together. Also, I just can’t relate to young people again. In the midst of my insomnia, I find myself being horrified that I’m nearly 29 but I’m not at a very different stage of life than I was at 23, fresh out of college, and working part time.
Amber works with me at the beer place, and it’s mildly frustrating. Not that she works with me, mind you. We’re perfectly civil and kind and polite, and she’s really a good worker and co worker. What I don’t like is seeing more and more how far removed we are from each other. She treats me differently from anybody else in her life, and I’m annoyed beyond words at her behavior. If I could laugh and joke and flirt with her the way she does with others, she’d be mine by now, but we’re farther apart than we were in July when this all began. She still won’t give me a yes or a no. Being somewhat used to semi requited nearly relationships by now, I can’t say that it’s as bad as it was, but it’s frustrating because, in this instance, I’ve got a pretty clear idea of what needs to happen. Rachael and I sucked at being friends because we had little in common. Courtney was in California. Amber and I? The problems are due to long history, and the appeal is due to having a lot in common and having a lot to offer.
I spend time with her, at work, or dancing, or any number of places, and I’m just frustrated time and time again by how I’m constantly being treated differently than anybody else and expected to deal with it and make her feel great. Heaven knows I’m trying. The trouble is, she’s determined to neither keep me nor to let me go. Nothing I do can be right because she won’t let it be. I had a two week minor meltdown a while back where I was just scared to talk to anybody because of how terrible at social interaction she always tells me that I am.
I’m 28. Nearly 29. I’ve got nothing good to say, and I’m too old for college drama.
I just don’t know what to write here.