Entries 16
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Sleeping
I find myself in a strange position. I’m actually sleeping. I’m sleeping well, and I’m sleeping regularly. In fact, by some standards, I may even be sleeping too much. This is not a problem t...
Chengdu of my Dreams
When I dream, I’m often back in Chengdu. So often, in fact, that the place has its own geography. I know my way, in some ways, around the city. A city which was based on real memories, and far...
The City I thought I'd find
I imagined a city, a city not too unlike a number of places I’ve been. Some places quiet and busy. Friendly. With lots of happy people walking as though they were weightless. Bouncing about w...
Performative Emotion
Alternate title: In which Courtney is firmly convinced that I have autism. I’ve never been quite sure how to “do” feelings. I’ve struggled with it for a long time. Ever since I was a child, I...
On Memory: An addendum to the aforementioned rage
I rather liked the last thing that I wrote. At least insofar as it seemed to stick mostly to one topic. A rarity for me. To avoid clutter, I’ve added this as a separate thing. I’m amazed at th...
Impotent Rage
The ol’ temptation has been beckoning again, and I’ll admit that when I think things over in a way that feels rational, suicide seems like the most logical option. As I discussed with Anna, I ha...
No Ginger
It’s rather frustrating that I cannot discuss my political beliefs without fear of adverse impact to my job. Especially when I’m talking about American politics in Japan. That having been said, ...
Literary Analysis of Life
I have a series of ideas floating about in my head. They all seem to be loosely connected, and maybe by articulating them, I’ll see something that runs between them. I’m not confident in these ...
Last Night
Last night, I had dinner with Hitomi. On a flimsy pretext, we went back to her place. While there, I told her that I couldn’t be in a relationship with her. That we could only really be friend...
Sitting here
I’m sitting on a mattress, on a filthy floor, in a rotting house, in an empty part of a dying city. And I’m coming to terms with just how difficult it is to express anything beyond the bare mini...
Record Keeping
In the interest of record keeping, I should say that Anna and I broke up yesterday. For the same reasons that I suggested we break up a month ago. No hard feelings, no sad. Just kind of relieve...
A few things
Stuff fizzled with Aya. Still with Anna. Things not going well in that department. Left Satsuma. Job/house/money trouble in Kagoshima. Performed in a band a week ago. Did Rakugo yesterday. Exha...
The A Team
As of March 25th, the A Team got a new member. The details of which are being withheld until I can get some sleep.
Oddly Enough
I don’t believe that I have a Japanese girlfriend, but I’ve managed to obtain a Japanese something.
Decisions
When I was sixteen years old, I was involved with a girl named Lee. And I wanted, more than anything, to do all sorts of sexy things with her that I wouldn’t allow myself to do. And so, what di...
The End
For the first time in a very long time, I have the courage to listen to Brahms’ German Requiem. The fourth movement. The one I love and listen to because I grew to know it in Kidger’s class all...
