renslayer

over-sensitive over-thinker

Entries 17

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Sometimes I just like to sit and just be. I don’t want to be using my phone, watching TV, working on my laptop, reading a book, knitting, or whatever. I’m just sitting on a couch and probably thi...


December 04, 2021

no risk, no reward in growing pains

feeling really sad about myself. feeling like a failure for not being able to open applications for things that i want, much less fill out the applications. i’ve been like this for months. those ...


November 23, 2021

courage to be unique in growing pains

thinking about that one tiktok i saw, about how we’re always doubting ourselves because there’s no one else that’s like us. and we try to think about everyone else that we know, trying to see if...


November 04, 2021

movies? in growing pains

I think I ought to watch more movies I don’t like movies because I have ADD and can’t focus that long But I think I need inspiration. And inspiration comes through culture and media… especially ...


November 03, 2021

need more bravery in growing pains

I need to be brave enough to WANT something despite the possibility that I might just be disappointed about not getting it


October 25, 2021

emotional compass in growing pains

This spiritual guru that I follow keeps talking about how so many humans have abandoned their internal emotional guidance system. She says that our emotions are like a compass toward our purpose,...


I’m in a predicament. I was offered a job. It’s a pretty impressive title, with a decent salary. It would look good in my resume. And it’s a social justice job. This job is in a field that I hav...


October 18, 2021

listening for art in growing pains

I love those shades of blue and the gold and the roots and the clouds eggshell sheen, marshmallow white I am learning how to hear. I really feel that I am learning how to hear the answers in thi...


October 18, 2021

visions in growing pains

I have a vision for myself, where I am living poetry. Playing, learning, making art, excited to see, feel, smell the world, like a child ! Breaking apart the grammar of things to put them back t...


October 16, 2021

struggles in growing pains

i just constantly have anxiety, dread, fear, unease, doom coursing through my body, like an electric wire. i meditate, i pay attention to my breathing, i try to visualize wellbeing, i try to do ...


i’m just. feeling. broken. i feel so misunderstood. i feel like people won’t listen to me. they’ll project onto me. people will pick on me when they want an easy target. and i’m trying to sh...


October 13, 2021

sadness in growing pains

these past couple days i’ve constantly been on the verge of tears the only times i don’t feel like that, i’m in this foggy numbness


October 12, 2021

adderall crash in growing pains

Attended a grad school career fair today (virtually). I learned more about what it takes to get into grad school, and have a better idea of what kind of program I want to apply to this fall. Tha...


October 12, 2021

practice --> power in growing pains

practice makes perfect. if i practice power, i become more powerful. what does power mean to me? - following my heart - taking risks - remembering that i am embodied - nourishing this body ...


October 10, 2021

blocked in growing pains

am in one of those writer’s blocks, but more like a life block. a vitality block. feeling like a hunk of lead. i’ve been feeling so lost lately. have been asking my dreams for guidance. the othe...


I made a list of every person I’ve been meaning to message back. It’s not like I have a ton of friends. I’m just terrible at replying to messages. My forgetfulness is so embarrassing. It makes m...


I just want to know if people see this. If you do, can you please comment something? Anything


Books 2


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