I made a list of every person I’ve been meaning to message back. It’s not like I have a ton of friends. I’m just terrible at replying to messages.
My forgetfulness is so embarrassing. It makes me feel stupid. It makes me feel like I’m failing at my relationships, because I’ll open their text, and then forget to reply for two months, and then feel awful reaching out again, from the shame that builds up over making them feel like I ghosted them.
I recently started to take adderall. I wish I could find a society where I didn’t need to alter my brain chemistry to function well. But as it is, modern relationships depend on long-distance communication – like text messages and emails. Things that my brain quickly forgets as soon as it’s out of sight.
So I’m starting a lot of messages with…
“omg just realized I never replied to this–”
“sorry about my horrendous reply-time–”
“hiii, i was so happy to receive your text, I just–”
It’s so embarrassing. But I’m determined to reply to all of these messages, so that they stop haunting me, so that these people don’t think I hate them, so that I can have some peace, so that, so that, so that…
It’s such a seemingly insignificant problem: replying to texts!! But… I’m admitting that this is just really hard for me.
PS: Thank you to the person who replied to my last entry. I’m so grateful for you.