Entries 17
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why do people get uncomfortable when I'm not doing anything?
Sometimes I just like to sit and just be. I don’t want to be using my phone, watching TV, working on my laptop, reading a book, knitting, or whatever. I’m just sitting on a couch and probably thi...
no risk, no reward
feeling really sad about myself. feeling like a failure for not being able to open applications for things that i want, much less fill out the applications. i’ve been like this for months. those ...
courage to be unique
thinking about that one tiktok i saw, about how we’re always doubting ourselves because there’s no one else that’s like us. and we try to think about everyone else that we know, trying to see if...
movies?
I think I ought to watch more movies I don’t like movies because I have ADD and can’t focus that long But I think I need inspiration. And inspiration comes through culture and media… especially ...
need more bravery
I need to be brave enough to WANT something despite the possibility that I might just be disappointed about not getting it
emotional compass
This spiritual guru that I follow keeps talking about how so many humans have abandoned their internal emotional guidance system. She says that our emotions are like a compass toward our purpose,...
job vs freedom/unknown
I’m in a predicament. I was offered a job. It’s a pretty impressive title, with a decent salary. It would look good in my resume. And it’s a social justice job. This job is in a field that I hav...
listening for art
I love those shades of blue and the gold and the roots and the clouds eggshell sheen, marshmallow white I am learning how to hear. I really feel that I am learning how to hear the answers in thi...
visions
I have a vision for myself, where I am living poetry. Playing, learning, making art, excited to see, feel, smell the world, like a child ! Breaking apart the grammar of things to put them back t...
struggles
i just constantly have anxiety, dread, fear, unease, doom coursing through my body, like an electric wire. i meditate, i pay attention to my breathing, i try to visualize wellbeing, i try to do ...
staying up for no reason
i’m just. feeling. broken. i feel so misunderstood. i feel like people won’t listen to me. they’ll project onto me. people will pick on me when they want an easy target. and i’m trying to sh...
sadness
these past couple days i’ve constantly been on the verge of tears the only times i don’t feel like that, i’m in this foggy numbness
adderall crash
Attended a grad school career fair today (virtually). I learned more about what it takes to get into grad school, and have a better idea of what kind of program I want to apply to this fall. Tha...
practice --> power
practice makes perfect. if i practice power, i become more powerful. what does power mean to me? - following my heart - taking risks - remembering that i am embodied - nourishing this body ...
blocked
am in one of those writer’s blocks, but more like a life block. a vitality block. feeling like a hunk of lead. i’ve been feeling so lost lately. have been asking my dreams for guidance. the othe...
perpetually sorry that I forgot to reply
I made a list of every person I’ve been meaning to message back. It’s not like I have a ton of friends. I’m just terrible at replying to messages. My forgetfulness is so embarrassing. It makes m...
hi, let me know if you see this
I just want to know if people see this. If you do, can you please comment something? Anything
Book Description
I’ve been journaling since middle school. I’ve started wanting to share what I journal about, with strangers. Maybe no one will read this. At least it’s on the internet. At least I can write as if people are reading it.
I think I’m lonely.
I have dreams of becoming an acclaimed writer. Some kind of radical intellectual who has something to say that people think is really important. I want to be known for how sensitive of a thinker, a feeler, a human I am. I want to be known, I want to be seen, I want to be valued.
I have dreams of becoming a famous singer. Having a voice like honey, in a jazz lounge. Being comfortable under the spotlight, being applauded, people wanting to listen to my voice.
I have dreams of becoming drop-dead gorgeous, and an Instagram where I’m so effortlessly hot… a far cry from my current instagram, which has no pictures of me because I’m afraid of being seen.
I guess I just want significance.
I’ve started too many sentences with “I.” But I guess that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m the only one in the world who truly sees me. So I might as well at least let myself be the subject of my own sentences.
