Entries 3,460
Page 42 of 139
feb 23
Horatio Alger, who invented all the bootstrap idiocy upon which so many American horrors are founded, only became an author of wealth-worshiping drivel because he was run out of his hometown on...
feb 22
Yeah, I’m singing that funk song “Brick House” but about looking a gift horse in the mouth. You’ll be doing it too now that you read this. Why say you “mend pants” when you can say you “dabbl...
feb 21
You all worrying about where the pants would go on this or that, I’m still trying to figure out how many sticks you’d need to crucify a centaur. A rapper wasting money on a rivalry is a lot l...
feb 20
Maybe the real monster was the big head we gave Todd along the way. Imagine being so rich that no one can tell you that Jar-Jar Binks is a bad idea. Just really get into that idea and sit the...
feb 19
Step into my Parler, said the con-man to the chud… A head canon where Herbie The Love Bug was a prequel to the Cars movies. Eventually, someone breaks Herbie’s heart and he leads the rise of ...
feb 18
I like mashing up Disney songs. I am currently singing Ursula’s song to the tune of I Can Show You The World. “Pooooooooor un-FOR-tunate sooooooooouuullllls…” The existence of Brawny Man beli...
feb 17
Lucas is just salty that Disney-Plus isn’t making a spin-off series about his four-armed 1950s diner chef, Guy Lom-Bard-0, or whatever the hell its godforsaken name was. 25.12 is octopi, to t...
feb 16
Anything a member of Smashmouth drinks before the encore at the state fair is technically a Rockstar energy drink. Is there… another terrifying Pinocchio live-action movie, where Roberto Pani...
feb 15
The double negative of “ain’t no” actually suggests that either there are actually many parties like West Coast parties or that West Coast parties do indeed eventually stop. Sometimes I think...
feb 14
Maybe Roger Rabbit was really framed by the friends we made along the way. Your Street Fighter musical will involve the song “Hello Dhalsim”. If you think about it, the ending to ITS A WOND...
feb 13
How has there not been a Zoom fundraiser of some kind where Tilda Swinton stars in a read-through of an old FRASIER script? This seems like a no-brainer to raise money for some cause or another...
feb 12
The seven or eight same royalty-free songs that all Youtubers use are the elevator music of our time. A leather shirt and body hair, that’s just the bear minimum. A burlesque show themed ar...
feb 11
I am no man of faith but I know this much, the divine cannot be an excuse to hate, it must be a mandate to love. A cleaned up Johnny Cash song called WHOLESOME PRISON BLUES. A brand of Poli...
feb 10
Love is our greatest blessing, love is our highest calling, love is our toughest challenge, love is our holy burden, love is the direction, love is the location, love is the speed, love love lo...
feb 9
That lawyer in the really nice basketball shoes, he is your court-appointed attorney. His brother was also in the cereal navy, as a pastor attached for troop morale. He would consecrate the m...
feb 8
A parody of David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” that’s like “LET’S REST, take off those tight shoes and… rest a few…” It is good to see that we can still come together as a a nation on Thanksgiving ...
feb 7
The “power of positive thinking” is a confidence job, sold to you so you’ll sit around dreaming and wishing instead of getting in the way of powerful horrors. The Power of Pragmatic Action, tho...
feb 6
There are no films starring Rob Schneider. Oh, there are films where he is the performer with the most screen time, for sure, but do not let us define down “star” like that. Which would be be...
feb 5
SPECULUM CABLE - JUST LIE BACK AND TAKE IT. The funny thing is how the Q-Anon theories about how “Trump can still win!” are almost exactly the same in form & tone as the tumblr “no no, th...
feb 4
Yeah, I’m singing “Copa Cabana” about Parappa The Rapper. Proposition One: we all get to be one year younger because this year can’t count. Proposition Two: we all get to be ten years older b...
feb 3
The magical thinking of New Age frauds and the magical thinking of the Trump/Q-Anon frauds are the same kind of wishful gibberish, transcending any kind of ideology, don’t be surprised when ove...
feb 2
You wanna know what’d be a worst of both worlds situation? LinkedIn Park. The greatest decadence, the worst hubris of all, is the belief that you’re the good guy in perpetuity. That no matter...
feb 1
Three hoarders having sex is a garage a trois. Surviving through the darkness, that’s the easy part, the real struggle is making sure the darkness doesn’t survive through you. “Mister Miste...
jan 31
It’ll be great when Q-Anon realizes that Q is just cherished character actor John deLancie trolling the hell out of them. Every day, more Trump signs disappear. Oh, the people who paid for fo...
jan 30
It is our paramount moral obligation as humans to ease each others’ suffering. Not to possess or achieve or control, not even to explore or learn or have fun, even though those last few are nic...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
