Entries 3,434
Page 2 of 138
oct 29
Just saw a news article where a slumlord called their exploitive abusive slum tenement apartment buildings “multi-family affordable housing”. Bad enough to abuse your renters like that but t...
oct 27
Remember when Taylor Swift was country and Beyonce did dance pop? The shifting sands of cultural presentation are wild. Training AI to summon deathless eldritch star-spawn would be calle...
oct 25
The end-game of fame is ending up with your song in an ad for a chain restaurant you would’ve sneered at as mass-market trash when you were young. There aren’t many upsides to failure, but s...
oct 23
THAT’S what Andrew Tate looks like. A tiny dwarf edgelord version of Jon Cryer’s take on Lex Luthor! With “Buckees” and “Stuckeys” being the two most powerful forces on the highways of t...
oct 21
Why say “strip bar” when you can say “privates club”? Current brain status: mashing up Chuck E Cheese and the Make Believe Band’s “Disco Dancing Dinosaur Party” with the theme song to t...
oct 19
A film about opening a brothel in the suburbs of Utica called ORISKANY BUSINESS. A book about all the ways you are screwing yourself over by acting like a jerk called THE KARMA SUTRA. ...
oct 17
A parody of the Beach Boys “Barbara Ann” about Baba Yaga. A starship full of Space Puritans and the line “set phasers to SHUN”. A role-playing game NPC shopkeeper named “Dealy Stan” ...
oct 15
And then, of course, there is the unholy mash-up of THE AVENGERS and PAN, “Mark Rufio”. I like to call that forest-y northwestern bit of New Jersey “Fool’s Pennsylvania”. Why say “on...
oct 13
A really weird parody would, of course, be TOTAL ECLIPSE OF PAUL BLART. I just realized that Denise Crosby is basically the Pete Best of Star Trek and maybe the Pete Best of all science ...
oct 11
No past action justifies proactive violence now. Maybe we have to be violent in direct self-defense, time to time, but no ancient wrong makes hurting someone else now right. The past is gone...
oct 9
You know what would be a terrible name for a food? GUNCHABLES. Mrs. Claus’s first name is Mary. Her maiden name was Mary Christmas. That moment where you realized, nah, I was actuall...
oct 7
I hope the bug messiah turns out to be a carpenter ant. A parody of “Let My Love Open The Door” about the NES game Milon’s Secret Castle? A punk band called CAPE FIERI. I like to...
oct 5
Your “G.I. Joe Babies” pitch will be entitled “INFANTrymen”. You don’t get to choose the toppings, you’ll take what you can get, that’s the genius of the Impersonal Pan Pizza. After ...
oct 3
Seeing VHS for WAKING NED DEVINE fills my head with the song “Fisherman’s Blues” by The Waterboys, in that way the trailer for every other movie in the history of Miramax used that song. I d...
oct 1
At a horror movie festival, there’s always room for giallo! A rap song about being middle-aged called FUNKY COLD EDEMA. The fact that FIGHT CLUB’s success was so predicated on word-o...
sept 29
The lesson is never “I need to do this awful thing to others so it never happens to me again”. The lesson is always and will always be “this thing was so awful, I realized it should never ha...
sept 27
Brain status: mashing up “Chariots of Fire” and “On Top of Old Smokey”. Brain status: fusing satirical political candidate Vermin Supreme and TMNT supporting character Vernon Fenwick int...
sept 25
An album of R.E.M. songs covered in the style of Jem and the Holograms called J.E.M. Her family’s classically Michelin starred, his family’s a bunch of molecular gastronomically sous-vid...
sept 23
Here’s a terrible idea to picture in your head: Jar-Jar Sphinx. A youtube channel where you review hot dogs in a German-accented existentialist monotone called “Wiener Herzog”. Why s...
sept 21
Why say “video commercial boards at convenience stores” when you can say “counter programming”? In a slightly different universe where Screaming Trees were the biggest grunge band of all...
sept 19
If I was a billionaire, I wouldn’t buy websites so people couldn’t make fun of me, I’d commission an animated version of ARTHUR, keeping all the dialogue and sound effects from the Dudley Mo...
sept 17
The bad news is, everything’s a test. The good news is, no one’s keeping score. And we would’ve won the Laff-a-lympics, too, if it wasn’t for those medalling kids. The optimal name f...
s15
Another great name for a band? SHART DECO. What kind of unholy fusion of “rural” and “hipster” would you have to be to unironically refer to Tractor Supply as “TSC”? Take the rhythm ...
s13
Did they… give the terrible Garfield movie to Crisp Rat because Garfield’s “rediscovers terrible father who abandoned him” arc was the same as Guardians of the Galaxy 2 or… when they cast Ca...
s11
WEST SIDE STORY but instead of the Sharks and the Jets, it’s the Bloodhound Gang and the Insane Clown Posse. A parody of “When You Wish Upon A Star” about the Joker called “How You Think...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
