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My Godmother died October 1st, at about 9am. Her friend J was with her in the end, and J kept my sister informed as things happened. I didn’t feel anything except vague relief. That’s not enti...

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TW: palliative care What Sarah Said About two weeks ago, my Godmother was admitted to the hospital with a mystery chest infection. Now, the back story is that my Godmother has had MS as long a...

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I have written about my problem with disappointing birthdays before. So when we started planning a trip to the Island with mom for the weekend of my birthday I was worried that I would find “my ...

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If I didn’t work… I sat with that sentence for some time. I had started to say, “If I didn’t work, my life would be better”. But when I typed the word “work”, my brain interjected “for my emplo...

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I had the best day last Sunday. I want to start here because it was such a good day. Red was visiting her parents, so Red’s husband, Mandy, Red’s husband’s bestie and I went to a local brewery th...

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I am so disconnected from my people here. I feel like I will never catch up. And I never will if I don’t actually read your posts. It annoys me, the stupid cycle of - thing exists - thing makes m...

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I’m here because my mood is telling me to write, but my brain is being uncooperative. I opened this page, saw I had a FB notification, went to check it, fiddled around on FB, remembered I was su...

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M is home. He got home last Friday. The difference in both of us since his return is actually mind boggling. The anger and apathy that plagued his texts is basically gone. The low feelings and p...

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My feelings about M’s absence improve greatly when we’re able to talk on the phone. I hate the phone. But I also can’t infer M’s state of mind from texts, especially when they’re always angry ran...

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I have been mainlining Star Trek. Before M left we watched all of the star trek movies. Well, “all”, up until 2009 (which is where the title reference comes from. Since he left I’ve been rewatc...

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The short week was good for my brain. But I’m having a hard time not feeling generally miserable without M. On Wednesday I got a call from the optometrist that my glasses were ready! I settled o...

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I haven’t exactly been avoiding writing, more like I’ve been avoiding thinking. M left Wednesday morning, and we’ve been texting pretty steady since then. He did his test on Thursday, and “It’s d...

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Been doing some grade A Adulting lately, and feeling pretty good about things. But M leaves in 8h and I’m going to miss the shit out of him. A week ago I finally saw an optometrist. He did all ...

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Stolen. I really wanted to write jokes for most of these, but I erased them and really tried to be earnest. This is pie in the sky stuff. Fantasy self that I’d love to make a reality. Personal —...

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This is 100% for me, feel free to not pay attention to my minimalism readings. recognise benefits - as you declutter, pay attention to the good thoughts and feelings that come from it. “It’s eas...

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I spent the whole day in such a rage… by now I’m just exhausted. Which is letting the sad creep in. Somewhere in the transition intrusive thoughts joined the chat. It’s nice that I got a chance t...

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She also says it’s not a compliment, as though it’s an objective statement. She was basically saying that it’s amazing that I manage to keep perspective despite the extreme emotional response I h...

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As usual either life is humming along and I don’t think about writing, or I think about writing but haven’t figured out what to say yet. I try to write after therapy because that seems to genera...

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This week was rough. M and I took Monday off, but then there was a snow storm and it was a snow day anyway. Tuesday morning I went to PT, and during one of the circuits I felt something in my rig...

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So not a single person commented on my forum post… and I did ok not letting that eat away at me. But I also came to another realisation. There’s a good chance that the reason I’m getting a whole ...

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I came here to write about this, but then I ended up posting it elsewhere first. I’m editing it because journal context is not the same as forum context. So I’ve been working with Tina on emotio...

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Last week was decent. I took on cleaning out my sections group email, which had 2,800 unsorted emails in the inbox. Srsly. That was Monday, by Friday there was 1,700. M and I had lunch together i...

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I’m feeling really anxious. The only thing I can think of that would trigger this is the meeting M and I had with our financial planner, “Katia”. We talked for two hours about where we are financ...

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Because I’m feeling pedantic: Today, finally, after 1,957 days, I was finally promoted to Captain. It should have taken me 1,096 days. That’s 861 days late, also expressed as 2.36 years late. I ...

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Today my new boss told me my promotion ceremony will be on Monday. So I was pretty stoked and smiley this morning. Then my old boss got to work, took one look at the smile on my face and said, “O...

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