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I haven’t been at my new job for a month yet. I’ve spent the last 3 weeks training online and I was just about to start doing shit for real when my supervisor pulled me into her office. They’r...

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Nothing much has happened since my car got shot. Insurance is doing its thing as I wait for the call to bring my car in and pick up a rental. M on the otherhand had a week from hell where his ...

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Today has been a fucking ordeal. Driving to work this morning I heard and felt a loud bang. I thought I’d gotten in an accident, but there was no impact and there were no cars around me that c...

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Thursday night M came home. It’s been so nice to have him to talk to again. Though I can barely get a word in most of the time haha. Since we got home so late and both had to work in the morning...

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Tonight at crafting we were talking about how Disney movies love to kill off parents, and I could not stop getting choked up about it. The conversation itself wasn’t even sad. But the feeling w...

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I didn’t realize when my supervisor told me that I’d be starting my new job on the 26th that M would also be away for work. So I’m in an office all day with people who don’t talk much, eating lu...

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I have a hard time parsing productivity. I have had a hard time justifying spending time on things I enjoy for the sake of enjoyment, but developing the art room has shifted this. Now feeling pr...

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I “graduated” my DBT group last week and I had my last appointment with Tina on Wednesday. It was a productive last session, she reminded me of my diagnosis (adjustment disorder) and we talked a...

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Feeling some hard feelings this evening. This week has been a fucking roller-coaster. Monday I was late for gym class so I went for a walk along the trail by work. I’d forgotten that there was ...

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I have spent so long avoiding being in my own head, or being trapped there with impulsive or obsessive thinking, that I forgot that it’s a place that I like to be. I’ve been finding it boring t...

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Things have been so normal. I go to work (the least normal part of my life, and the thing I need to change the most), I come home, M and I make dinner together, we eat, we watch shows, he reads,...

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I just realized it’s not Sunday today, but Monday. M and I took today off, it’s our last leave day of the year, which gives me some anxiety about making it to April when our leave days reset. I ...

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I really need to stop leaving writing for Sunday night after 9pm. I’m tired and my brain straight refuses to recall a single thing of note. I have not been doing well with this whole no-buy yea...

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My family lost its matriarch, again. We lost my Gran December 2022, and her sister passed this morning. This means my mom’s older sister is now the matriarch. Long may she reign. My great aunt ...

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The dumpster fire that is our world is taking up so much mental space. Everyone is worried, it doesn’t matter what side of the border you’re on. I am so sad for the average American. But I’m PIS...

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… to say I have a good life. I want to be more pragmatic about my work. Acknowledge the means-to-an-end that it really is. I do what I do because it provides stability I was unable to find elsew...

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Getting really sick of my shit. I had three headaches this week. That’s unusual even for me. I’m also getting random pain in my shoulder, that I’m 98% sure is referred pain from my neck. Several...

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I’m doing all the right things, and yet I still feel stuck. Last week was a hard one, and for no good reason. Monday I went to the gym, didn’t get the usual exercise induced headache, but ended...

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I’m cleaning the slate. I’m not using my usual template for Resolutions this year. Buy Nothing Year - The crux of it is wanting a barrier between me and spending. I’ve been watching/reading Bu...

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I have been doing this same survey since 2014, but since I jumped journals I don’t have the full archive anymore. 2022 2023 What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before? Context matter...

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When I saw my doc on the 6th and told her how I’ve been feeling, she looked surprised, almost shocked. Not wanting to die and not thinking about other people dying constantly has entirely change...

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Hyperfixating on people is awful. I honestly don’t know how to tell a crush from a hyperfixation, until it wears off. I’ve maintained crushes for decades, but a hyperfocus on a person dissolves ...

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I’m in a fractionally better headspace this week, though that might tank since M is gone for a week for testing again. He’s positive he’s going to fail. We were talking about this, this evening,...

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Well, this seems to be a pattern. When I am actively trying to give my brain some distance from work I can’t write. On Thursday I went to the gym, then I went to talk to the PA. She was nice, g...

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Oooh boy yesterday was a doozy. On my way to the gym I called for a walk in appointment with our health services folks. After the gym a mental health nurse called me to assess… I guess my leve...

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