Job Angst in Scottish Meanderings

Nikki got me this cool book ornament as one of her Christmas presents to me this year. I love it!

When I went up to Mam’s flat last month to take whatever I wanted I came back with an assortment of stuff - her wedding ring, photos, slides, cine films, books, DVDs, a slow cooker and something else I hadn’t bargained on. These coat hangers.

For some reason they represented something of the past to me when people really took care of their clothes and what they hung them up on mattered as much as the clothes themselves. Mum always took care with her appearance and when she was younger, made a lot of our clothes herself so it wouldn’t surprise me if she had covered all of these hangers although I don’t know that for sure. Anyway I found myself adding them to the pile and although they take up a bit more room in the wardrobe they don’t half give a better shape to my jumpers and tops instead of those plastic rubbishy things you get in the shops nowadays which can hardly take the weight of anything.

I’ve been looking at jobs and have been struggling between 2 recently. One is for 22.5 hours a week which I know doesn’t sound like much but I personally think is probably too much for me right now. The reason I considered it was because it’s at a local GP practice (Heart Failure Nursing Service Administrator) which is only 10 minutes drive from my house so I wondered if it might be manageable because there would be very little travelling time. Even so I would probably only manage it over 4 days and I know it’s worked over 3 at the moment and on a rota. They did say they would consider fixed days for the right applicant though. It’s got a pretty good salary with good prospects for moving on to NHS jobs on a higher salary scale.

The other is 16 hours a week and in Peterhead, roughly an hour’s drive from the house. The salary is poor and the salary scale is terrible compared to the other one.

So why am I even considering it?

Because it’s Administrator for a counselling agency out there and is the regional office of the agency which is providing the counselling skills training I’m doing at the moment. That means it would really integrate well with my course whereas the other one might mean I have to give the course up if I find I can’t manage both. The job is also worked over 3 mornings a week BUT the agency is only open those 3 mornings a week. This is often a big plus in a part-time admin job because what you generally find is when you start your week you spend most of the first day catching up from the days the place has been open but you haven’t been there!

It also means I may well be able to do my voluntary counselling out there and therefore not need a separate day to do it as I would with any other job. And as it’s open Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays that means Mondays won’t be affected which means Lilah can continue her swimming lessons and I can continue to look after Lily on a Monday and then do stuff with the 3 of them in the afternoon.

The person who would be my line manager is my original tutor when I first did the COSCA counselling skills course at the University way back in the year 2000 and is now the manager of the agency providing the course I’m currently doing.

There is the disadvantage that the job may be quite isolating - I don’t think there are many voluntary counsellors in that office but that may be an advantage if I should struggle with tiredness rather than being in a busy office with lots of distractions. And the travelling is a real bugbear but more so because of the fatigue I struggle with. I’m definitely NOT a morning person so it’s going to be hard enough to get myself together first thing in the morning as it is without having to drive for an hour before I even reach the job.

The salary is the biggest drawback - I’d only be taking around £500 a month home after tax so would have to considerably supplement that with savings although there’s a chance I might be able to access some pension money before I’m 60 which would help. A good chunk of that salary would go on petrol though whereas with the other job I’d be getting paid for the extra 6 hours of difference.

I did a spreadsheet yesterday to compare the 2 jobs and ended up with 13 plusses and 5 minuses for the Peterhead one and 5 plusses and 13 minuses for the surgery one! That makes it look like a no-brainer but really it wasn’t that clear cut - a lot of things were things I had to assume and couldn’t know for sure and one of the big factors was the fear of becoming ill again which is very real for me right now - I can’t ignore it. It would be extremely embarrassing for my health to fail with the surgery job because that’s where I would be going for doctors’ appointments if it all went tits up!

And there’s another factor I didn’t really clock until last night. I go to a group which meets once a month for people who suffer depression and anxiety - it’s run by an organisation which comes under the umbrella organisation Mental Health Aberdeen. We were talking about the problems of being ill at work and the stigma which still surrounds mental health and Aileen, the manager out there, was telling us of a time years ago when she wasn’t coping at work and the Chief Executive was really helpful to her, providing counselling and Thought Field Therapy free of charge. It was only then that I realised this would be the same Chief Executive as I would have because Mental Health Aberdeen is who runs the Peterhead office. What better place to be working if things go awry again?!

And yes I know that’s not positive thinking but I prefer calling it being realistic. I know I’m getting better but I’m not completely there yet and I don’t want anything to get in the way of my full recovery so factoring all this stuff in is necessary in my opinion.

Something is making me hesitate to pull out of the surgery job (for which I’ve already applied) and put all my eggs in one basket though. I’m wondering if it’s this aspect of having to consider my health which I’ve never had to do before when applying for jobs? This very real issue that things may tumble out of control again and having to factor in a contingency plan for that.

Or am I thinking I have another nine blasted years of work before I can draw my state pension so perhaps I still need to think of any job I do as having possible prospects and leading to better things?

But mental health has been my interest for a long time. I came home from the group last night and switched on the telly and there was a programme about celebrities voluntarily being homeless for several nights (I missed the start so don’t really know the ins and outs). They were paired with a real homeless person so got to know them and their ‘story’ and in many cases mental health and its breakdown featured strongly. I was riveted. I just find it so interesting.

And there’s the rub. Wouldn’t it make sense to take a job whose subject matter was of real interest to me so that I get experience in that field and can perhaps work up to other, maybe better jobs in that field?

It’s just that I’ve pretty much worked for charities all my life and they do NOT pay well that’s for sure. But money isn’t everything.

Could someone just look inside my head and see what’s really in there? That might sort things out.

Last updated February 05, 2018